Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When are the Kardashian going to start dropping off like the birds and the fish? Take them instead

   FOX News is reporting that 19 of those Arkansas birds were members of Al-Qaeda

   Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

   my favourite ride is the "slip inside"... oops, I meant the slip n' slide...

   there once was a time when these things made me chuckle... but not anymore

   Why does a hooker make more more money than a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and re sell it!

   guy from arkansas said "they need to find out what is going on with the birds we dont need dead birds flying around" and you might be a dumass

   ‎"Every kiss begins with Kay." But for second base and beyond, go with Tiffany. Victoria Secret should be 3rd base....Cartier home run

   It's funny to me when people say all blondes are dumb because not all guys are blondes!?!?!

   ‎"Every kiss begins with Kay." But for second base and beyond, go with Tiffany.

   I wonder if Cher is going to get lonely once the rest of us have died.

   ‎"Oh my god, they have Rolling Rock??!!" - said by maybe 2 or 3 people a year.

   I'm fairly sure "PIMPIN LIKE BUBBA GUMP GOES SHRIMPIN" is the worst text I've ever sent.

   Thought I'd better warn you. Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

   as much a chance with the ladies as a bird does flying safely through Arkansas

   I'll baffle them with brilliance, then I'll let you talk.

   madder than a Keebler elf being demoted to fudge packer.

   FACEBOOK: Where dramatic people post about "drama" thus creating more of it.

   The next pay it forward status I see I'm going to respond Hopefully we barely know each other and they live really really far away. Take that stranger. I want cookies delivered to my door.

   My South Beach diet says no alcohol: I figure it like this wine is made from fruit, brandy is distilled wine, Gin is made from juniper berries and beer and whiskey are also made out of wholesome grains. Got to be healthy, bottoms up!