Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cupid teaches kids to shoot someone in the butt with an arrow to make them like you.

   doing The Safety Dance while holding scissors. I'm such a rebel.

   Note to Self: Stop posting personal things on Facebook and make appointment at the free clinic.

   I hate people that are conceited. I am so much better than them.

   Its the middle of January and you live in New England....Stop complaining and acting surprised "Its still snowing"!!!

   Things in my life are finally starting to click...... Like my elbows, my knees, my feet,etc;

   To hell with syncing the Titanic... I named my iPhone "ass" so I could back that ass up.

   I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate...

   Making $ is easy. Press shift+4.

   "Diamonds are forever. But so is herpes." This is why I never get hired to write advertising campaigns.

   Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.

   anyone on Myspace anymore? I wonder if Tom is on facebook....

   I bet the zodiac killers brain is about to explode.

   Sometimes while I drink my morning coffee I stare out the window think to myself "F#&k, thats a lot of snow!!"

   Heard more dead birds were found in Pittsburgh and Atlanta last night

   You know that look women get right before they want to have sex? Me neither.

   The hypocrisy of some on the LEFT has no bounds.

   I hate grocery shopping because I'm no very good at predicting what I'm going to feel like eating in a few days.

   Hey Facebook, is it possible to cram a few more ads on my "new" profile page?

   The worst part about waking up alone is not having someone to kick out of bed to make me coffee.