Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5247 of 6370
Sometimes, in my world 2+2=5 because I like to add a little extra to make it interesting.
"Hahahahaha, You Failed!" "Yeah, so did your dads condom."
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01-20-2011 13:12
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Do kleptomaniacs take medicine or do they pay for it?
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01-20-2011 12:23
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can't afford these gas prices anymore..... I'm charging up Leroy's Buzz Lightyear car and leaving for work 4 hours early tonight.
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01-20-2011 11:48 by Bill
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I want you all to know that no trees were harmed in the production of this message. However, a rather large number of electrons were somewhat inconvenienced….
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01-20-2011 11:47
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Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes close
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01-20-2011 11:34 by Jeanne
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To all my barbies out there who date Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, you'll be better off in life. Get that money!
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01-20-2011 11:27
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If I'm half Welsh and half Hungarian, I wonder if that makes me Well-Hung
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01-20-2011 11:18 by scottyp
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Dear Gas Station Owners….You're not fooling anybody, I think it's ok to get rid of the 9/10 of a penny thing…I can't ever remember saying, “ $4.00 is an OUTRAGE! But $3.99 & 9/10 is a Steal!!”
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01-20-2011 11:12
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Wished they would make roads wider so I could drive sideways and not hit anything
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01-20-2011 11:02
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just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
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01-20-2011 10:42 by M.A.C.
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If you ask me "Is it snowing OUTSIDE?" prepare to get a sarcastic response.
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01-20-2011 10:37
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I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
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01-20-2011 09:57 by Dopey420
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You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
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01-20-2011 09:54 by Will
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
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01-20-2011 09:53
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It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
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01-20-2011 09:49
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Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
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01-20-2011 09:49
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Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. A friend or money?
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01-20-2011 09:43 by Will
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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01-20-2011 09:39
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wonders.....have you ever had one of those days that all you can do is smile, sing, dance and and yell from from the mountain tops how good life is??? Well, today certainly wasn't one of those days for me....
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01-20-2011 08:52
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