Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5241 of 6371
Just went outside for a couple of minutes, according to my nipples, I'ts damn cold outside!
The reason I'm single? She wouldn't marry me when I was drinking and I wouldn't marry her when I was sober.
Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
better being black than gay, cos you dont have to tell your parents.
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01-23-2011 07:23 by 3030
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cmon now, lets be serious...noone would be stupid enough to catch a grenade for anyone.
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01-23-2011 07:20 by ayden
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9 out of 10 doctors think that other one is just a hater
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01-23-2011 06:18 by flinnie
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I've decided that if I ever go into witness protection my name will be Mr. Dobalina, Mr. Bob Dobalina
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01-23-2011 05:42 by flinnie
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just once I want my wife to greet me like the dog, jumping on me, licking me all over and wiggling her butt. But if she's only doing it so she can go out to pee. like the dog, I'd be devastated
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01-23-2011 05:26 by flinnie
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Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
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01-23-2011 01:15 by Steve OH
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A path with no obstacles, probably doesn't lead anywhere
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01-23-2011 00:04
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I drink, therefore I am.
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01-22-2011 23:27 by AlliB513
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Cleaning the house while the kids are awake is like trying to rake leaves in a hurricane.
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01-22-2011 23:26 by AlliB513
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Can someone please tell mew when tv becomes "new" again? Everything claims "all new" but all I see is the same old garbage.
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01-22-2011 22:08 by Will
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got kicked out of bowling tonight for spiking the ball after I made a strike.
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01-22-2011 21:46 by MikeM
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one wrong key stroke and my last status was "Due to a high phone bill I'm switching to Bondage".
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01-22-2011 21:36
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browsing dating sites for women that are "currently separated" because they will be getting lots of money upcoming divorces and are potential sugar mamas!
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01-22-2011 21:21
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an agent of chaos.
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01-22-2011 21:18
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wondering what idiot put a silent "t" in the word "listen"?
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01-22-2011 21:12
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Take photos of friends with their face squished against glass. Assign to your phone contacts... it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone!
Any relationship before marriage is just training.