Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't like me? Have a seat with the rest of the a$$holes waiting in line for me to give a f*ck.

   Dear Yahoo, Ive never heard someone say "i dunno lets 'Yahoo It." Just Saying. Sincerely, Google.

   A picture speaks a thousand words, but with photo-shop, it tells a thousand lies

   Dear Facebook, we asked for a 'dislike' button, not a confusing profile layout, or a smaller font size! Sincerely, Facebook User

   So much sh!t comes out your mouth that your a$$ is jealous

   I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm :)

   has been trying to plug the keyboard from his PC into his HI-FI system. Call me stupid if you want but that would just be stereo typing

   Thinks people get mad when you don't use korrect grammar and spelin, because they can't just copy/paste it to thier Facebook. Sorry you had to add a comma, it must be such an inconvenience.

   Sarcasm is the bodys defense to stupid people!

   I wanted to watch the Biggest Loser last night... I turned on the TV, and there he was...

   why is it that when a door is slightly open it's ajar but when a jar is slightly open it's not a door?

   grammar - not just a type of school anymore.

   wonders why the Kia Soul commercial doesn't have rats instead of hamsters. I mean, they live in NY, listen to rap music and drive a Kia Soul for Christ's sake!

   a strong man stands up for himself,an even stronger man stands up for others

   It's been said that Obama hasn't had a cigarette in 9 months. If that's true,then why does it feel like he's still blowing smoke up our ass?

   In case you missed the State of the Union address, let me sum it up for you, gay soldiers will win the future by riding high speed trains to salmon farms.

   I decided to eat healthier at dinner so I'm eating two bananas.. Is it too crazy if it feels weird that they don't come with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup... and a side of french fries? :(

   Nobody lives forever, but especially not that homeless person I just ran over.

   we should have a way of telling ppl their breath stinks with out hurting their feelings like: "well i'm bored, lets go brush our teeth!"

   I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.