Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING: Taco Bell to re-brand Itself as "64% Vegan"

   BBC News: high brow. Fox News: low brow. Al Jazeera: unibrow.

   URGENT WARNING! Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To block, go to kitchen, get aluminum foil, and wrap it around your head. Stay calm and breathe through your left nostril ONLY. This is a SERIOUS problem and has been confir

   put her trousers on, is having a cup of tea, and should probably think about leaving the house at some point...

   Using your car to take your girlfriend to that place she likes.

   You know you're addicted to gambling when you spend your hard earned money on virtual chips in Zynga.

   Dear U.S. Government, I was just wondering if I can get my tax return in advance. I would use my credit cards but theyr'e maxed out and I am currently unemployed. Regards, everyday U.S. citizen.

   If you don't like me, leave a message. If I don't get back to you, don't worry.. its probably because i'm too busy giving a damn.

   Dear U.S. Government, I was just wondering if I can get my tax return in advance. I would use my credit cards but theyr'e maxed out and I am currently unemployed. Regards, everyday U.S. citizen.

   the Egypt uprising also Sarah Palin's fault?

   All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."

   Dear Taco Bell, your 35% shreds of beef are like delicious shriveled delicacys of bliss and happiness from the rainbow of a dsylexic leprekuan... But I'm a carnivore and need at least 70% real meat to continue eating your contramptions.... Please work on

   I have been watching all the rioting in Egypt on TV and have yet to see somebody walking like an Egyptian

   Have you ever posted something in your status just to see how quickly someone will 'like' it?

   discovered last weekend that if you play a Justin Biber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Biber

   Does anyone else's leg falsely alert you that your phones vibrating? I hate that!

   The 100% American is 99% idiot.

   America is the only nation in history which has gone miraculously gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation

   ANYONE gonna ask Press Sec'y Gibbs what that violent uprising is on his face? Is it me or does Gibbs have herpes on his lip?

   If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.