Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue with a nobody. A farmer doesn't bother telling a pig his breath smells like sh!t.

   Everytime I watch the Movie "Free WIlly" I feel so badly about the hunting of these fish that I "Free" my own!

   not available right now, please leave a message after the period.

   Appearances can be deceiving - a dollar bill looks the same as it did twenty-five years ago.

   Mel Gibson's girlfriend coulda had it worse... HE COULDA been a Brazilian Goalkeeper...

   yeah she was hot...til she opened up her mouth and the trailer fell out

   sad that my FB has become my BFF.....

   thinks Elvis is the only King to actually die on his throne...(flush...sfx)

   does anyone still miss the old facebook?.. yeah that's what I thought, sell-outs."

   being investigated by Nancy Pelosi.

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   going to the strippers to start work...i grease the poles and disinfect the stage... :D

   I would like to wish a happy Labor Day to all the mother out there.

   I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...Just hopeing it's my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   And on the final day God said ..." Let there be football!"

   ..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.

   thanks for being a sperm donor, deadbeat!

   wondering why the head keeps falling off his John the Baptist bobble head?

   When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!

   ^v--^v--^v----------------^v--^v woah for a second there I was bored to death