Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Took out my Christmas tree to curb and dropped needles like a heroin addict in NY all over over floor. . 
Happy Birthday Elvis! TCB, baby!
So John McCririck is suing Channel 4 because he was replaced by the younger Clare Balding. Could have been worse John. You could have been replaced by a woman.
Scientific fact: Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. You're welcome all my future 120 yr old FB friends!!!
those Hairy Twatter books were good but I liked the movies better!!
Ladies, please. Enough with the fighting. I have plenty of tentacles for everyone.
I put laxatives in my bosses slim fast. She's gonna be so skinny!
Women just want to be loved and valued for who they really are on the inside, not just for their physical beauty... Claws and all.
I'm black but not "talk loud all through your movie" black. HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M USING SIRI TO TYPE THIS TWEET DURING YOUR STUPID MOVIE!!
"Pay attention to me when I'm ignoring you" - Women
I wonder if the only thing open in Boston right now is Dunking' Donuts
Last night I realized that 3.5 inches could totally satisfy me... Yep, I went shopping with my new credit card!
Reese Witherspoon is the skim milk of celebrity arrests.
Based on intelligence, people are classified into: 1- Genius 2- Smart 3- Average 4- stupid 5- Married.
It's disrespectful to refer to Cinco de Drinko as "Cinco de Mayo
small minded...SMALL MINDED!!...Yeah, I got nothing?
growing old is mandatory growing up is optional
Just want to thank all the people who reviewed "Star Wars" on Netflix. You guys swayed me, I'll check it out
Kids are cute until they start using drugs
It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't hurt or kill people whose dreams have already died. 