Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5146 of 6370
Caffeine and nicotine; breakfast of champions!
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02-19-2011 16:16
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Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
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02-19-2011 16:15
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Time to get out of bed. The world is not going to dominate itself.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right
I feel like a million bucks today! Just wish I had luck finding a bank that will accept self esteem as a form of payment
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02-19-2011 15:37 by ptv
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Impotence: Natures way of saying "No Hard Feelings!"
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02-19-2011 15:35 by Kelso
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don't call me on the phone then after I answer tell me to "hold on a minute". If you do, I will hang up instantly. You called me! If you weren't ready to talk, then you shouldn't have dialed.
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02-19-2011 15:26
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Dear God, If you give us Freddie Mercury back, you can have Justin Beiber
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02-19-2011 14:22
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One of my tattoos stands for "One time I got really sh*tfaced and made a poor decision."
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02-19-2011 13:30
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I want to meet the skeletons in your closet...
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02-19-2011 13:30 by Ella
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Help Wanted: Psychic. You know where to apply.
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02-19-2011 13:14 by JimJR89
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Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
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02-19-2011 13:11
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FYI: If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
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02-19-2011 13:10
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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02-19-2011 13:09
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I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
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02-19-2011 13:02
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I still lie to my parents about drinking. I'm in my 30s.
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02-19-2011 13:01
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I hope when they write my biography they leave out my being afraid to poop in public places
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02-19-2011 13:01
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The most painful & worst possible types of goodbyes, are the ones that are never said, or never even explained
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02-19-2011 13:01
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I hope $20 is gonna be enough to last me till next payday.
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02-19-2011 13:01
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I wish Google knew if he still loved me..
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02-19-2011 13:00
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