Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   all of you that believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

   The only thing in my cupboards is a pregnancy test….. Dam it now I have two problems….

   keep symbols for the symbol-minded

   Its the middle of January and you live in New England....Stop complaining and acting surprised "Its still snowing"!!!

   tips to get through work... Adjust your screensaver accordingly, I'm currently at a strip club

   Women don't know what they want and change minds often. Lesson over.

   the interviewer asked him, if he failed college would he have committed suicide, he said he would rather kill himself than doing something that terrible

   Homeless people are like the raccoons of metropolitan areas. Always coming out at night to route through your garbage can with their furry little faces and opposable thumbs.

   Clothes are half of what makes a man who he is. Take your favorite super hero, put him in drag, is he still your favorite?

   would like to thank all his friends who came out to his intervention. Let's get together and do this every year!

   like the real live version of the state fair..

   Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

   If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle.

   Greek philosophers had some gangster names.

   Every hard boiled egg is yellow inside.

   Kid, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

   Know what I love???? Free handguns and Hard liquor night at the ball park!!! Ton's of fun!

   Ever since it all chaged ... it just hasn't been the same

   Bruno Mars told me, "If perfect is what you're searching for then just stay the same."

   hates Know-It-Alls, because if you really knew it all, you would know I think you a shmuck!