Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.

   Some women need to learn that "about average" isn't in the 5'5", 175 lbs range!

   I know KARATE and like 2 other japanese words.

   There is Breast Cancer, be Aware of it.......There! Doesn't that promote Breast Cancer Awareness a lot better than writing the name of a Fruit or the Colour of your Bra as your Facebook status?!?

   A lock of Justin Bieber's hair is on auction on ebay current bid at 10,000 $ no wonder the worlds gone to the dogs

   there is a thin line between love and hate....and I'd like to pick up that line and strangle you with it.......

   My FB account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   If Facebook goes out of business, we should all exchange phone numbers and mailing addresses.

   gonna miss Gaddafi's outfits. He makes Lady Gaga look like Johnny Cash

   Dear Eminem: Not only do we have the same name, but we're both black on the inside too. Sincerely, M&Ms.

   Life's like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you....

   I was upset when I heard that Justin Beiber got a haircut because it meant I was gonna have to rearrange my "Top ten things I care least about" list.

   Kilometers are shorter than miles. So I'll be taking my next trip in kilometers to try and save some gas.

   "Get in da bowl"....."YOU get in da bowl."

   here's something for a friend that can't stop coughing. Give 'em some laxitives. It won't cure their cold, but I can guarantee they won't cough anymore. It says you care and F*@K YOU at the same time...nice.

   just turned the news on and they were talking about Justin Beiber getting a haircut. Really? The world is going to hell in a hand basket.. but Justin Beiber got a haircut.. Who gives a rip??

   65 days until The Royal Wedding. I can't wait. Seeing that family gathered together always makes me feel really good about my dental plan.

   My favorite pickup line: Hey, what's your address, and are you a light sleeper?

   Justin Bieber: hey dad I just had my first time having sex.... Dad: really?? thats awesome son!! any questions?? Justin Bieber: yeah, when will my ass stop hurting?? Dad:.........