Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   like If you ever Scream at Dora because whatever she's looking for, is right behind her...!!!!

   blind man walking past fish market says, "Hello, ladies."

   My Chemistry teacher asked me if I know the symbol compound of sodium hydrogen. I said NaH.

   I hope Lebron James joins Habitat for Humanity in the off-season... His brick-laying skill will come in handy!

   evEr nitoced how hwrd it is to tpye wiht yuor left hnd whsilt you are wnaking?

   I've just bought a Dalmatian puppy. And I've found out if you join all the dots together with a marker pen... ...it doesn't wash off.

   "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

   I really wanna buy a "Winning" T-Shirt.

   I'm not a stalker I'm just bad with goodbyes

   Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.

   i'm convinced marliyn manson and lady gaga are the same person

   thinking...the only one who wants Snow right now is Charlie Sheen...I happen to have a whole driveway full....Winning!!!"

   You hear people say don't feed squirrels or birds b/c it will affect the animals' instincts/skills and negatively affect the entire ecosystem. Maybe people nowadays's should apply that philosophy to child rearing.....

   According to the Virgin mobile commercials I have a stalker that loves to watch me sleep and hide in my closet...

   Austin 3:16 says I just whopped your a$$

   I didn't ditch you for the couch... I was already on my couch!! That means I would've been ditching my couch for you!

   You can't put a price on happiness... However the bi-products Water, Pg&E, Internet, Clothes, Shoes, Movies, Food, Transportation, Travel.... You can put a price on.

   Charlie Sheen uses tobasco sauce for eye drops! Winning!

   went to the hairdressers and asked for a numer 1 all over and she pee'd all over my head. I wont fall for that again though.... next time i'll just ask for a number 2.

   that a friend in need is a friend indeed, but a 'friend' that is ALWAYS in need is getting on my nerves.