Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Breaking News from an awesome friend!: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Yapping, USA. :P

   Your like a 5 hr energy drink. Fast & Easy. 

   It might be fat Tuesday today, but I'm fat everyday. So what's the big deal.

   Hey, it's Fat Tuesday, or just Tuesday, as it's known at Kirstie Alley's house.

   ‎241543903- google it and tell me your not confused also

   To celebrate Womans Day I shall have sex with 5 lucky women today .

   Apparently 'Fat Tuesday' doesn't constitue telling fatties they're fatties.

   So what if we find out tha Charlie Sheen has been right all along, and the rest of us have been wrong?

   I will never understand how someone could kill in the name of religion... or unfriend me on facebook.

   No matter what your Chinese symbol tattoo says... I'm going to assume the translation is: "Please think I'm cool."

   Today is International Women's day AND ALSO Fat Tuesday.. Coincidence??...I think not

   You can always tell which friends have no life, you can never get a poke up on them.

   It's International Womens Day ... thank you women... if it were'nt for women 1/2 of us wouldn't be here.......what? ....

   Millions of anchovies floating in a bay in California? That's going to drive gas prices up.

   I had so much Peczki today that I can go to Mardi Gras for a Drink and see some girls on International Women Day, Show me your puppies I'll give you some Peczki!!!

   Not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself

   Charlie Sheen is just living MY life....with A LOT more money

   Happy Fat Women's Day!

   Has just realised why his day has been full of people unable to express what they want, failing to consider anyone other than themselves and with unrealistic expectations. Happy International Women's Day everyone.

   It's Mardi Gras and International Women's Day. Now, which one of you b*tches wants to earn some beads?