Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Instead of Petronella your parents should have named you Psychonella.

   People with boring Facebook profiles need to stop making the situation worse and awkward by further creating Facebook Pages which they constantly beg us to like.

   How soon is too soon to have a new friend come over to scratch a rash that may or may not be contagious?

   It's not easy being flesh and blood in a world full of plastic people.

   We’re all photogenic on the millionth try!

   Just saw Styx at the County Fair....Wow,  if you gave them machine guns they could double as the Euro-Villans  from Die hard....

   tell her she is worthless, that is something she will believe without whining about what you are saying.

   when science teachers were gonna talk about "natural disasters" I thought they were gonna talk about relationships

   My life's ambition is to one day have wiki-link about me, containing the word "Condition."

   There's always somebody else out there that will love you, but not if you're ugly.

   I'm going as drunk homeless girl for Halloween, because no costume needed and I can pass out on the neighbors lawn with no questions asked.

   Looking forward to seeing what exciting new Star Wars adventures will be cooked up by the dream factory that brought us Mars Needs Moms!

   Maybe I should come out with my own sex scandal.....Elmo, Patreaus, Penn State, Arnold, Tiger, Clinton.

   Its like the Mayans knew this was coming........CIA has been compromise, No mo tickle me Elmo, and Slena went Str8 again

   If I was black I wouldn't buy Band-Aids til they made them in my skin color, just sayin.

   If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing I'd like to do is see what I could get for it on Craigslist

   One day I will claim that $37 trillion in US dollars from the bank in Zimbawe I keep getting an email from. . .

   You may think I am wierd, but at least I am not boring like you.

   The least realistic part of Deep Impact is the way everyone in the world accepts the conclusions of science.

   theres no "half-singing" in the shower... you are either a wimp or a Rock Star....