Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.

   The Internet has passed newspapers for the first time as a news source for Americans. Of course, without newspapers the Internet is pretty much Facebook and Twitter.

   The Republican National Committee is considering selling the TV rights to its presidential primary debates. To which Fox News is saying they already own it since all the candidates are working for them.

   Twitter says they will stay based in San Francisco if they get a significant tax break. Apparently they are making so much money that their tax bill comes in at more than 140 characters.

   Diet Coke has taken the number two soft drink sales spot from Pepsi, with Classic Coke number one. Diet Coke is seen as an alternative for people who like the taste, like the option for fewer calories, and want to keep their teeth a few more years.

   Yes, it's true! I am the absolute kingpin of the jelly doughnut cartel.

   Kelly Clarkson's new album will be delayed for a few months. Apparently it has upset all three people who were lining up to buy it.

   A study says that talking on cell phones while crossing the street can be dangerous for elderly people. Especially when it takes all their concentration to even figure out who they are talking to.

   Billy Ray Cyrus has called off his divorce. Apparently he didn't want to give away half of everything he owns. Which is pretty much whatever Miley is paying him.

   Kraft is raising the price of Maxwell House Coffee 22%. Apparently their new motto will be “As expensive as Starbucks without the attitude.”

   The Pet Shop Boys have finished their first ballet score. Which answers the question as to how their music could possibly be any more gay.

   Wal-Mart stores in California have reached a goal of sending only 20% of their waste to landfills. Of course, the other 80% of their garbage is what they stock on their shelves.

   Tonight's full Moon will be the biggest in appearance in the past 18 years as the moon will be unusually close to the Earth. The only thing bigger than the moon is Uranus

   I wish getting old meant growing a majestic pair of antlers.

   France must need a communist in office to step up to the plate.

   I f I have am erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, I'm not calling a doctor...I'm calling a film crew!

   French Toast.....French Fries....French Kiss and now French Fighter Jets....all bad a** contributions by France

   Viva la French Toast!

   France, once again, takes up the fight in the defense of freedom and liberty.....

   but the bigger question is the pilot of the french fighter jet that fired on Quadafi's tank....Did he immediately land and surrender to its crew?