Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Denmark says they're going to loan Greenland to Canada just to mess with and piss off Trump.

   If you're complaining about kids playing a game outside while sitting on your a$$ judging people on the internet, you probably need to re-evaluate your priorities.

   Trump's RNC is like the episode of Kitchen Nightmares where the guy that never worked in a restaurant bought one, but with a country.

   Authorities Threaten to Boycott Kaepernick While Rapist Brock Turner Gets Extra Police Security??

   hillary immitating the twin towers

   Dr fauci just announced we all have to wear jock straps now to stop the spread of covid

   Maybe trying to get out of the car with my seatbelt still on is my car’s way of saying I don’t need to go into the store for more cookies. I dunno.

   It's only great again for those of us who can spell.......idiot

   Hillary Clinton: 'I Am Getting Pretty Tired of Hearing About How Nobody Likes Me' Gee, what a surprise. Guess what? Here's another surprise. I like beer!

   I waited too long.. The stores ran out of winter solstice glasses.

   I kinda skeptical that it's really The Last Jedi.

   I guess Prince Harry realize that Trump can't make the royal wedding great.

   I'll admit, if Trump eliminates the MS-13 gang, he will have gained my respect. Trump better not deliver a false promise!

   I was abducted and anal probed by aliens. Their names were Jose and Ricardo. I'm going to the police.

   I just bumped into my sexy neighbour. She said, "Hows the little one,

   Mosquitoes are just vampire flies.

   Today we celebrate the man who brought Christianity to Ireland by drinking hard enough forget everything he taught.

   Super-Sorry to the family I choked out at the laundromat this a.m. I thought you all stole my beige sock. Just found it in car!

   statistics show that 97 % of dead people will stop posting statuses.

   Anyone care to tell me 1) Why, when brushing my teeth, I raise my eyebrows AS FAR AS THEY WILL GO? And 2) How long has this been going on?