Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   visiting all 6.3 million web pages about 'obsessive personality'.

   There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom.

   Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.

   that awkward moment when you realized that thousands of other people actually went to google and typed in "funny facebook status's"

   Excuse me lady in the checkout line in front of me purchasing both a box of condoms and a pregnancy test... How's your day going?

   When is it considered to early to start drinking...cause I think I'm 4 hrs behind!!!

   Has anyone invented a time machine? If so, "when" did I get one?

   Just want to let you all know what the new Google homepage logo is all about. It is to celebrate the 200th birthday of Robert Bunsen who invented the Bunsen burner. So calm down all you local junkies...it is NOT a Meth lab!!!

   Wonders...Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come

   A good man is hard to find, or is it the other way around, a hard man is good to find?

   the difference between OooooH & AaaaaaH is About three inches......

   What ever happened to Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll ? All we got left is AIDS, Crack and Techno !

   Picking your nose doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's what you do with the booger.

   Reminder: National Atheist's Day April 1st.......

   Sometimes I think you should put a condom on your head, because if you're gonna act like a d.ck, you might as well dress like one too.

   Thursday 31st March is National Cleavage Day, a day to work it, love it & celebrate it.!! (@)Y(@)

   If I ever get arrested, do I have a good enough friend to come to my house and clear my browseer before they can obtain the search warrant??

   Thank you Google homepage image, for reminding me to bust out my Bunsen burner and heat, sterilize or combust something in tribute of Robert Bunsen's 200th b day. Where would laboratories abroad be without you, burner of Bunseness...

   So Mr. Sandman...since you've abandoned me for the sake of other's slumber, I've decided to move on. Advil PM, start digesting and work your magic.

   smart phones seem to be more high maintenance than a pet...calm down blackberry, I'm adapting to your ways of communicating...