Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   goodnight Mary Jane smoke you in the morning.

   I get grossed out whenever I see people who have not cleaned their ears since the Truman administration UGH!

   if you tell the truth..you don't have to have a good memory.

   One minute after New Year We are going to have the above binary combination.- 01 : 01 01 / 01 / 10

   looking for a mistletoe belt. Depending on who is around will decide on how I face that person.

   Hopes that the "band" Owl-City are driving around in a recalled Toyota.

   leaving a post it note in this bathroom, saying "outta toilet paper but feel free to use this..."

   from a real tough neighborhood. he bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.

   If you have a facebook page that features both you and your girl....you're a h0m0.

   Seeing a spider is not a problem. It becomes a problem when you can no longer see it.

   my son's Elmo doll just grabbed my junk. Can I get in on the lawsuits??

   Roses are grey,,, Violets are grey,,, Friggin'-Woof. I HATE being a dog..

   Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

   if you do the crime then expect to do the time!!

   Well, I watched the free fall but I couldn't even see him falling because his gigantic balls were in the way.

   Physician: One who can form complete sentences.

   Damn. RIP Tony Soprano. *shuts screen off*

   Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they're still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My buttcheeks

   wearing Hugo cologne today like a boss.

   Happy Mothers day to a mom who should have been an air traffic controller... ...I was grounded so often!