Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The magic of Facebook - you can poke each other all day long and no one has to lay in the wet spot :-P

   Hypochondriacs with OCD make the best house keepers.

   I'm feeling just a little under the table this morning.....

   head and shoulders needs to come out with a new shampoo. called knees and toes

   It seems I have 3 personalities. One that has a plan, one that completely screws up the plan, and one that says "what the hell happened to the plan?"......

   I thought bullying was no longer socially acceptable....so why are the Republicans doing it?

   Dotn dirnk and update Fistbook statass.

   My mum told me once that she judges how good a film is by the number of tissues she gets through....funny really, I have the same system

   May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruin my day...and may their arms be too short to scratch.

   Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

   A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT AWOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY, IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF.

   Maybe cupid should shoot himself with his own damn arrow then maybe he'd see how much love hurts

   I hate being single. I'm not good at it.

   There was a two car pile up in mexico today...40 people died

   You know those little screens at the gas pumps? They should start showing porn, so I can watch someone else getting screwed at the pump.

   After seeing Iggy Pop perform on American Idol, Steven Tyler is probably thinking I'm going home and eating a sandwich.

   I don't know why everyone is so shocked about LeBron's mom, we all had those days when MOM seduces our best friend or gets arrested at 4 in the morning drunk and catching an assault charge for punching a valet at a hotel. What's the big deal?

   LADIES: If you don't know ur own worth and value...then do NOT expect someone else to calculate it for u.

   If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?