M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...

   why must I be made to feel like a porn star everytime I open yogurt....

   If I ever open a knife factory, I'd employ nothing but EMO kids...I'd never have to worry about them reporting an on-the-job injury....

   just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…

   pretty sure that "Can't we just be friends?" means --> "I just wanna use you, like some kind of emotional tampon 3 to 5 days a month, with no strings attached..."