lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon hacked into Santa's computer,cleared the naughty list out..and has changed "coal" under Present List to "PS3""Wii" and "iphone".
←Rate | 11-19-2009 18:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..will keep a close eye on Santas stat updates. The minute he writes "just passed over crack house with ugly skank looking out window" i'll wave.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 07:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to talk and walk,then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 17:11 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 17:26 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I caught my daughter playing with the power outlet. She gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 17:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anything you say will be held against you. "Tit".
←Rate | 11-21-2009 00:08 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.
←Rate | 11-21-2009 03:07 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.
←Rate | 11-21-2009 12:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.They sent me Diana Ross
←Rate | 11-22-2009 04:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 04:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. All he does is eat, drink and be Mary.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 12:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daaaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home..
←Rate | 11-23-2009 05:03 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?
←Rate | 11-23-2009 12:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:09 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 3 blondes comes across some tracks. 1st blonde "Its deer tracks!" 2nd blonde "No! Dog tracks!" 3rd blonde "No! Its bear tracks!" They were still arguing when they were hit by a train.
←Rate | 11-23-2009 20:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to buy some marijuana,press the hash key now.
←Rate | 11-24-2009 06:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the docs the other day. He told me to stop eating so many eggs. I said " Why? Is my cholestorol that high?" . He said "No but your farts are absolutely f *cking rank!!"
←Rate | 11-24-2009 07:18 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach are aiming a bit too high.
←Rate | 11-24-2009 07:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mate is having a birthday soon. He doesn't drink,smoke or cheat on his girlfriend. I dont know how the hell we're going to celebrate it!
←Rate | 11-24-2009 12:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.
←Rate | 11-25-2009 08:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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