Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:19 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:51 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Any coincidence that OJ gets parole about the same time that Ford Motor Company brings back the Bronco?
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you find yourself complaining on your $600 smartphone, put it down and rethink your life.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:36 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
←Rate | 07-06-2017 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hang out with people you want holding your hand when your heart stops.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 18:08 by Pj Comments (1)  


   messageicon Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.
←Rate | 03-09-2017 04:54 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady Gaga, Demi Lovato, Hillary Duff and Beyonce say they are sending their prayers to Houston. I feel like such a jerk. All I sent was money.
←Rate | 08-29-2017 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I suspect that my cat has plans to kill me, but has just never been awake long enough to carry them out.
←Rate | 01-11-2017 22:42 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Let's be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked
←Rate | 07-16-2017 07:15 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 00:25 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
←Rate | 09-08-2017 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 04:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon America: the only country in the world where not wearing a seat-belt carries a bigger penalty then letting hackers steal 143 million citizens social security numbers, bank info, drivers licenses and credit cards...
←Rate | 09-16-2017 09:45 by XXX-FUXY Comments (3)  


   messageicon Sure I will read Hugh Hefner's obituary. But only for the articles.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 16:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet
←Rate | 05-16-2017 09:51 by Dp Comments (1)  


   messageicon Patriot Act(342 pages) isn't patriotic. The Affordable Care Act(20,000 pages) isn't affordable, and The Net Neutrality Act(400 pages) won't be neutral. When the government tries to spin something as good, you should expect the exact opposite.
←Rate | 07-24-2017 10:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge a grand for it.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 21:55 by DocHoliday Comments (0)  



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