Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 5 of 6353

   messageicon In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 17:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must’ve been born on the highway, that’s where a lot of accidents happen.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whole Foods announced that a Prius left it’s lights on in the parking lot, and now I have the whole store to myself.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want to do is go outside, then inside, then outside, then inside. ~ The Dog
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:41 by Susan_66 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An empty browser history says more than a full one.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  




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