Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 5 of 6292

   messageicon One of us is right and the other one is you.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Need a conversation starter for your next cookout? Arrange the chicken pieces on the grill to look like a cat.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 16 Psyche is one of the most massive asteroids in the asteroid belt. It’s made of materials like gold, platinum and nickel. It’s value is estimated to be around 700 quintillion USD.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon War is when they tell you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out for yourself.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: The fences need painting and the car needs washing. Him: Kids! Who wants to learn karate.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Soon, the public will be unable to think or reason for themselves. They’ll only be able to parrot the information that was given to them on the previous night’s news.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kicking open the bathroom stall at work after eating 4 jalapeno cheddar taquitos from the Exon Mobil gas station on my lunch break.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many of you are 12 years old and playing with your mother’s phone while she’s asleep?
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We’re not drilling for oil here because of “global warming.” But, we’re going to let someone else drill the same amount of oil somewhere else and burn even more oil to get it here. Brilliant.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 23:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happiness ~ is a cabin on 800 acres, 3 lakes, two mountains and no neighbors.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m in BIG trouble if people find out I don’t really have Tourette’s.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: You remind me of the sea. Him: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting? Her: No, because you make me sick.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating is a great way remind yourself that dying alone isn’t that bad.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Johnny Depp is the one guy that could've used an amber alert.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 10:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don’t have time to pull over and fight, don’t honk your horn at me.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The key to happiness? Stay away from idiots.
←Rate | 05-25-2022 03:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saw a store sign that read, “We treat you like family.” Well, NOT going in there.
←Rate | 05-07-2022 22:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re 50+ it’s time to leave them young girls alone and get yourself a woman that recognizes the signs of a stroke.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctor: Says here you get offended by strangers on the internet. I’m writing you a prescription for two testicles.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:58 Comments (0)  

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