Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 5 of 6153

   messageicon So you took pictures of fireworks tonight? Post all 50 of them- we really want to see!
←Rate | 07-04-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are very lucky that out of all the bodily functions that could have been contagious we got yawning.
←Rate | 10-24-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get rid of the "quality check" section on the Domino's pizza tracker. I know what I'm getting myself into here.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The CDC recommends wearing a blindfold so you can’t see what’s really going on.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the quarantine lasts longer than expected and your cousin starts looking extra thick.
←Rate | 08-29-2021 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elevator music bothers me on many levels
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
←Rate | 01-11-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What you just said, is one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
←Rate | 04-22-2021 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check social media
←Rate | 05-06-2021 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
←Rate | 04-14-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  




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