Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 5 of 6178

   messageicon Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that marriage should be between a person who don’t like pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 04:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret to looking younger is telling people that you are older
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I danced like nobody was watching, someone stabbed me with an EpiPen.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going outside to vacuum the driveway. I do this every so often... just to ensure the neighbors never talk to me...
←Rate | 12-05-2020 10:08 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve done some terrible things for money...... Like getting up early to go to work. ‬
←Rate | 06-17-2019 09:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
←Rate | 05-14-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
←Rate | 05-24-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
←Rate | 08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've reached the age where I meet a person I would consider "older" and then find out they're the same age as me.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
←Rate | 04-14-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: So, are you seeing anyone? Me: You mean like a therapist or hallucinations?
←Rate | 11-24-2019 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder when the CDC will recommend closing the southern border.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Technically, it's a Silver Alert. But yeah.
←Rate | 09-04-2021 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glass coffins, will they be popular? Remains to be seen.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 03:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the good ol days… when everybody wasn’t such an overly sensitive twit.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:55 Comments (0)  




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