Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Of course I'm am an organ donor. Who wouldn't want a piece of this!?
←Rate | 06-04-2019 17:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing that not everyone owns a smartphone..Someone has to HONK when the light turns green.
←Rate | 12-10-2019 18:40 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let me show you how you can claim your dog as a dependent on your tax return. ~Me flirting
←Rate | 03-03-2020 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to leave myself sexy love notes in my lunches and act all surprised and giddy like "WHAAAAAT----NOT AGAIN!" and then proceed to read the note out loud as my co-workers look on in envy.
←Rate | 03-05-2020 06:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Numbers don’t mean anything to me. I’m here for the deep abiding friendships with people who haven’t blocked me yet
←Rate | 03-05-2020 16:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hmm didn’t realize until coronavirus how shocking it is to walk into a Walmart men’s room and see all the sinks actually being used
←Rate | 03-06-2020 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, April is grey, I hope we can leave our houses by may.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine surviving Covid19 then China releases Covid19S Plus Pro
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:28 by Truman Comments (4)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
←Rate | 11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's a miracle Jesus was able to turn water into wine but I thank God each morning for giving me the ability to turn water into coffee.
←Rate | 09-30-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to a 7 yr old silently standing in the bed over me at 5AM
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just accidentally keyed someone's car with my nipples.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  




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