Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hello, 911? The oldies station is playing the Backstreet Boys again.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How about taco Wednesday’s, no one has ever done that before.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do men still go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is ten to one, and they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: My dog is probably thinking about other dogs. My dog: “What was Scar’s name before he got that scar?”
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saved over 25 thousand dollars on a car battery because my car runs on gas.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  




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