Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4995 of 6371
Dead Joan Rivers jokes are so 1933.
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09-04-2014 18:14
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Pointing out that what you are doing is dumb and is making you look like an idiot is not judging you. It’s called caring.
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10-29-2014 01:47
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One thing we can be sure of is Adam was not a doctor. Otherwise, the apple would have kept him away.
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12-02-2014 01:20 by Baddie
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My son asked me what it was like to have three kids so I went into his toy room, broke all his stuff, then made him get me a beer.
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04-17-2015 08:33
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I think the best thing about being in the house of a hoarder is that you can take stuff home with you and they would never even notice.
wondering why the hair on her legs grows so much faster than the hair on her head!
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04-12-2010 10:52 by Andrea
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dont think of it as another day since you've last seen someone think of it as one day closer to seeing them again -RIP-
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04-16-2010 12:24
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"Barcelona expected to win. They have had an incredible surprise at the San Siro. Then we understood... they had fear". - Jose Mourinho
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04-29-2010 03:37
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I don't know how to tell my parents they're adopted.
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04-29-2010 23:11 by Joser
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GUMP 2010: Shrimp is the fruit of the Gulf. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabob in oil, shrimp creole in oil, shrimp gumbo in oil, pan fried in oil, deep fried in oil, stir-fried in oil. There's pineapple shrimp in oil, lemon shrimp in oil, thats about it.
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05-06-2010 12:38
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When a guy asks what you do for a living he'll probably walk away when you answer, "Y0ur m0m." But the look on his face is totally worth it.
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05-14-2010 18:56 by Joser
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If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
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05-31-2010 12:52 by Bacha
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I think that if that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive better.
save the trees, smoke a cigarette.
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06-11-2010 11:01 by levelz
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took a bucket of Legos to Lowes and asked the cute manager "Let's build something together" that's when I got thrown out of Lowe's.
Another tragic reported, almost a 100 ducks fell in Glendale Az lastnight, sunday about the same amount of eagles fell in Philly, I wanna know whats going on with all these birds!!! Whats next? Falcons? Ravens? Its all crazy to me!
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01-11-2011 09:34 by Rod
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My 2010 in review: Sports, work, beer, sex and bar-b-que.
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01-25-2011 19:49
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giving my liver a pat on the back for holding up this weekend
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10-24-2009 10:33 by ?
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somewhat annoyed that finding midgets, painting them green and making them make chocolate is an offence.
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10-30-2009 05:36 by deithy
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Yesterday I was 2 away from a threesome. I love college!
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08-31-2010 01:20
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