Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I live in Los Angeles. We already have Taco Trucks on every corner, and it's wonderful!!!

   After it was announced that 29 people were Injured in the NY Bombing, Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson was Thankful that ‘Nobody Got Hurt’

   "Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon. Going to the candidates' debate. Laugh about it, shout about it When you've got to choose Every way you look at this you lose" - Simon and Garfunkel (1968)

   Because the military is land of the free home of there brave, and pride month is a man that talks like a fairy and wears a man bun and probably paints his nails. Just sayin'

   OK. Who is the genius that decided to call it "Toilet Paper" and not "Butt Napkins"?

   Choked on my coffee this morning so I guess I'm done for my daily cardio.

   My Ex was so ugly that when she went to a nude beach she was asked to cover her face

   This entire gender neutral thing has gone too far. I just saw a commercial on tv for Mama John's.

   Worlds shortest joke- "Two women are sitting quietly"

   my left ovary feels sore. like it was working out. I guess I would say its ovary active.

   I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.

   Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...

   Moving is so fun, finally found this chloroform, hey does it taste expired to y....

   Going to the Guns 'n Roses concert tonight. I hope the noise doesn't give me cancer tonight.

   Why didn't I think of nuking a hurricane?

   Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.

   If we had a terror attack like Nice, our president would be on the news telling us we need common sense laws to keep cars out of the hands of terrorists.

   strongly suspects that Lester Holt got his journalism degree from the University of Phoenix.

   Somehow, I don't know how, Obama gave Trump covid-19!

   People say they're not having the vaccine because they don't know what's in it, yet they'll walk into McDonald's and order a McRib sandwich.