Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To the people I forgot, you weren`t on my mind for some reason and you probably don`t deserve any thanks anyway.

   The spark of a genius exists in the brain of the truly creative man from the hour of his birth. True genius is always inborn and never cultivated, let alone learned

   a good listener (under the current definition of Kin Hubbard:"a good listener is usually thinking of something else")

   just googled "MAMBY PAMBY LAND" and I'll be damned.... It took me HERE!!!

   Ok I can only last 5 mins in bed so remind me....... why am I going to use Trojan fire&ice again????

   Perfect nite for New Years eve practice....You can build up your alcohol tolerance in disguise to hide the fact your a lightweight.

   Having lived and loved, I can tell you that life is the constant and love is the variable.

   told its Erection Day today. I'm wasn't sure if I ever celebrated that holiday in the past, but a waiter at Hong Kong Buffet insisted it was and I better get out and vote.

   wht is the different between your dog and your wife??? well you still miss your dog after one year..!

   likes the fact that my boss is technologically handicapped. Now I have fed his number in the black list and he's off to get his phone repaired so that he can make calls to me.

   doesn't feel sorry for those that aren't empathic.

   crashing your family dinner on Thursday and bringing along a keg, dancers, a donkey and Cool Whip for the pie!

   Hooked on jenkem!

   I have the New Evo by Sprint. They told me this is a smart phone. I said "yeah yeah yeah" I didnt believe him until this morning when my phone woke me up, got me dressed, brushed my teeth, made me breakfast, warmed my car, locked the door, ect!

   I still don't get the whole "LOL" thing. Was laughing on the inside that common before?

   I've learned not to be picky in farewells... They aren't guaranteed or promised... You are lucky, more than blessed, if you get a goodbye at all...

   doing a study on paranoia by following people around town in my white Crown Vic with 4

   Lamp shades: Hats of the future

   thinks that if we were germs, I would be the 1% dettol can't kill!

   Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids