Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
my girlfriend just popped in on trying on her bra's.. this would be a good time for me to shove a twix in my month 
just watched half of The Social Network and I got to say to that point it is absolutely one of the most boring movies I have ever seen..right..I know it's more of a movie for academic queers
You want to know what chloroform smells like?
ohh yeahh... the sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette
"Deck the halls with Happy Birthday Faa La La La'up on the roof top is Peter Cotton tail in a one horse open sleigh"..........man, that's a good margarita.....
Every Christmas I give my co-workers a card with a picture of my middle finger inside.
Addicts Anonymous. How may I help you?" "Can I speak to the cocaine councillor?" "Can you hold? He's on another line at the moment
How do you make a goldfish age? Take away the G...
Obama has added a new amendment to our constitution by exec order: No taxation without representation...unless said representation doesn't pass every law Obama wants passed.
Guys, when you say "you graduated from the school of hard knocks", we hear "dumb and poor..."
Phil Collins "in the air tonight" is not the most popular song in Malasia
Plot twist: The Patriots deflated balls to keep the game close.
My Beard wants to do cardio between your legs..
Feeling like a movie tonight....I think I'll watch Fast and Furious 6 and then maybe half of 7
Not since the OJ chase has American been disappointed with a slow white bronco
Me? Behave? Seriously... As a child I saw Tarzan strolling naked. Cinderella arrived home after midnight. Pinocchio told lies. Aladdin was a thief. Batman drove over 200 miles an hour. Snow White lived in a house with 7 men. It's not my fault!
Today, my friend from school was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she said 'nana'. dammit....
While watching him give a speech on TV, I increased the brightness but it didn't work.
"Where the hell are all the moths coming from?" -- Thomas Edison 1879
Lots of Catholics are crazy upset about Lennay Kekua being fake. Wait'll they find out about Jesus. 