Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Priscilla Chan is to Mark Zuckerberg as Yoko Ono is to ...
←Rate | 05-29-2012 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 08:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dubstep is just dance music with Touretts Syndrom.
←Rate | 04-03-2012 01:44 by @OMG_Its_Matt Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sometimes I put laxatives in my dishwasher to help relax my bowls.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 10:07 by Chuck U. Farley Comments (0)  


   messageicon A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'
←Rate | 04-09-2012 21:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a cop pulls you over and asks for papers, he does not mean the zig zag papers.... :/
←Rate | 04-11-2012 10:07 by ..andyeah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Knock knock. Who's there? Weekend! Weekend who? 'We can end' working for a couple of days thank you very much!!!
←Rate | 01-27-2012 14:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 05:19 by the Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do anti- Christian bashers use the internet slang "WTF"?
←Rate | 12-17-2013 22:07 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too!
←Rate | 05-12-2011 13:53 by BOO Comments (0)  


   messageicon yo mama's so old she has an autographed copy of The Holly Bible.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 01:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met a girl the other day. She said it's a must for her mate to be into the arts. I told her I am very much into the arts... the art of beer drinking, the art of watching football, and the art of long walks on the beach after anal.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can't talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
←Rate | 06-12-2011 21:40 by miz Comments (0)  


   messageicon That night in september 1945 if Mary Ann had only told Fred she had a headache, we all would be better off today.
←Rate | 05-19-2020 22:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many rounds of the vaccine do you need before you can stop wearing the tinfoil hat?
←Rate | 04-16-2021 20:07 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recession: when your neighbor loses his job. Depression: when you lose your job. Recovery: when Gordon Brown loses his job.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 12:47 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Perfect day today... I think i'll go for a walk outside now, the summer sun's calling my name! I just can't stay inside all day! I gotta get out, get me some of those rays!
←Rate | 03-18-2010 13:50 by gb Comments (1)  


   messageicon KIϟϟ+ACϟDC=greatest bands of all time
←Rate | 05-30-2010 23:14 Comments (2)  


   messageicon President Obama just stepped out of the White House on this Presidents Day and seen his shadow. Looks like we're in for another year of bullshit....
←Rate | 06-30-2015 13:11 by Rick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, if you don't sin Jesus died for nothing
←Rate | 07-13-2011 12:28 by MNMs Comments (0)  




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