Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4922 of 6446

Priscilla Chan is to Mark Zuckerberg as Yoko Ono is to ...
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05-29-2012 15:16
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Remember, You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
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05-31-2012 08:40
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Dubstep is just dance music with Touretts Syndrom.

Sometimes I put laxatives in my dishwasher to help relax my bowls.

A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'
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04-09-2012 21:32 by BEGO
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If a cop pulls you over and asks for papers, he does not mean the zig zag papers.... :/
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04-11-2012 10:07 by ..andyeah
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Knock knock. Who's there? Weekend! Weekend who? 'We can end' working for a couple of days thank you very much!!!
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01-27-2012 14:51
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Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

Do anti- Christian bashers use the internet slang "WTF"?
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12-17-2013 22:07
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Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too!
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05-12-2011 13:53 by BOO
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yo mama's so old she has an autographed copy of The Holly Bible.
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08-30-2011 01:28
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I met a girl the other day. She said it's a must for her mate to be into the arts. I told her I am very much into the arts... the art of beer drinking, the art of watching football, and the art of long walks on the beach after anal.
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09-04-2011 09:56
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this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can't talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
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06-12-2011 21:40 by miz
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That night in september 1945 if Mary Ann had only told Fred she had a headache, we all would be better off today.
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05-19-2020 22:03
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How many rounds of the vaccine do you need before you can stop wearing the tinfoil hat?

Recession: when your neighbor loses his job. Depression: when you lose your job. Recovery: when Gordon Brown loses his job.

Perfect day today... I think i'll go for a walk outside now, the summer sun's calling my name! I just can't stay inside all day! I gotta get out, get me some of those rays!
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03-18-2010 13:50 by gb
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KIϟϟ+ACϟDC=greatest bands of all time
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05-30-2010 23:14
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President Obama just stepped out of the White House on this Presidents Day and seen his shadow. Looks like we're in for another year of bullshit....
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06-30-2015 13:11 by Rick
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Remember, if you don't sin Jesus died for nothing
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07-13-2011 12:28 by MNMs
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