Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   UK 1984 - "Feed the World". USA 1985 - "We are the World". And they wonder why they're so f**king fat.

   Some say the world ends in lees than a month... My question is this: If the world ends are we better off than 4 more years of Obama?.... Discuss...

   Remember when Ivanka and Donald manufacured goods in America? Yea I don't remember that either.

   Bama VS LSU.......Up for Bama..........Down for LSU

   don't drink and drive, you could spill the beer in your car.

   On this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for family and friends and the fact I don't have to wear Depends. I'm thankful for hard alcohol and seeing friends at the Mall, But most of all I'm thankful for turkey and stuffin' and SWEET, SWEET HOT LOVIN'!!!!

   n't air travel wonderful? Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil..

   Men who are single, are single by choice. Women who are single, are single because they're b@t $hit cr@zy.

   Dude is that Matchbox 20? Turn that up. Said no one ever.

   getting a beer out of the fridge when the wife walked in naked and said "Say something dirty to me"......I said "The dishes"...hahaha WINNING!!!

   A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter. "I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, tractor, the farmhouse and all the livestock and $52,389,630.00 cash. Wow says the granddaughter.. Where is this wealth? On my FB.

   Hi, my name is shower and if you turn me on I will get you wet

   Where is the Love? Discrimination and Homophobia, do you know how many of our children committed suicide because of this? What if it was your child? Born This Way

   Humiliation in public or private is not an effective way to discipline your kids?!You should be assamed of yourself.

   It boggles the mind how most of you passionately supports the Neo-Nazis. Absolutely mind boggling.

   I wonder if taking folders from the White House, marked "top secret" and hiding them at your home is a bad thing?

   Anyone ever notice the pro abortion crowd looks like they never "get any" in the first place?

   not scared of heights.... just widths!!!!

   Bob the builder! can we fix it?!!......no this time we're screwed

   What does Barbara Bush and Charlie Sheen have in common? They both like to blow a little dope.