Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some say the world ends in lees than a month... My question is this: If the world ends are we better off than 4 more years of Obama?.... Discuss...

   Bama VS LSU.......Up for Bama..........Down for LSU

   don't drink and drive, you could spill the beer in your car.

   On this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for family and friends and the fact I don't have to wear Depends. I'm thankful for hard alcohol and seeing friends at the Mall, But most of all I'm thankful for turkey and stuffin' and SWEET, SWEET HOT LOVIN'!!!!

   n't air travel wonderful? Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil..

   getting a beer out of the fridge when the wife walked in naked and said "Say something dirty to me"......I said "The dishes"...hahaha WINNING!!!

   A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter. "I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, tractor, the farmhouse and all the livestock and $52,389,630.00 cash. Wow says the granddaughter.. Where is this wealth? On my FB.

   Hi, my name is shower and if you turn me on I will get you wet

   It boggles the mind how most of you passionately supports the Neo-Nazis. Absolutely mind boggling.

   I wonder if taking folders from the White House, marked "top secret" and hiding them at your home is a bad thing?

   Anyone ever notice the pro abortion crowd looks like they never "get any" in the first place?

   Men who are single, are single by choice. Women who are single, are single because they're b@t $hit cr@zy.

   Dude is that Matchbox 20? Turn that up. Said no one ever.

   Where is the Love? Discrimination and Homophobia, do you know how many of our children committed suicide because of this? What if it was your child? Born This Way

   Humiliation in public or private is not an effective way to discipline your kids?!You should be assamed of yourself.

   not scared of heights.... just widths!!!!

   Bob the builder! can we fix it?!!......no this time we're screwed

   Gangnam Style: Dancing like an overweight Ch!nk getting b0ned up the a$$ by a sumo wrestler while wearing handcuffs that were put on by a ret@rded cop.

   What does Barbara Bush and Charlie Sheen have in common? They both like to blow a little dope.

   Shouldn’t you have to pass a drug test to get a welfare check since I have too pass one to earn it for you?