Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4912 of 6370
Facebook blocked at work. 2012 has come much earlier than anticipated.
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05-04-2011 15:43 by BEGO
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When I was little, I wanted to be a UPS man when I grew up because they get to drive around all day with no doors. Now I'm really glad my car has doors.
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05-04-2011 15:41 by BEGO
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So here I am,at the hospital,in the O.R,with scaple in hand,wishing I hadn't lied on my resume about being a surgen...well here goes nothing!
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05-04-2011 15:32
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They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the f*ck women are actually trying to say.
On the 8th day, God created beer, to keep Canadians from taking over the world:)
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05-04-2011 15:28
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If you didn't have my number before you broke, lost, or got a new phone, don't invite me to your "new phone need numbers" group on Facebook. You just make me feel like a jerk when I ignore it
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05-04-2011 15:27 by BEGO
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I like my coffee the way I like my bed... made by someone else.
Believes that every great idea begins with "Hold my beer and watch this"
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05-04-2011 15:27
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Not only do I want to see footage of bin Laden being killed, I want the Benny Hill theme song played over it.
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05-04-2011 15:26
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I killed Bigfoot! I also have a few aliens in my basement! You gotta trust me because I said so! Oh by the way I have pictures but you can't look at them!
Wondering if I buy those "Her Pleasure" condoms and turn them inside out if I will get all the pleasure instead of her.
I still say I heard someone talking from under that sheet when we tossed the body overboard, but whatever. Can't go back in time.
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05-04-2011 13:50
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i hope spongebob is raping bin laden constantly...
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05-04-2011 13:35
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wondering who had the nerve to go to work dressed as Darth Vader today?
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05-04-2011 12:11
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saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.
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05-04-2011 12:08
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Noticed that the news companies seem to be trying to out-do each other: 1: BBC goes on about a Royal Wedding. 2: CNN bangs on about Bin Laden's death. 3: BBC announces terrorists caught outside Sellerfield Nuclear storage. 4: Just waiting on Fox news now.
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05-04-2011 11:52
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says Sticks and Stones may break my bones but Political Correctness is Killing Me >-<
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05-04-2011 11:51 by liro81
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Hey Obama! Swedish called, they want their Nobel Peace Prize back!!
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05-04-2011 10:34
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7-11, mini-mart, and several gas stations will be closed due to a death in the family...
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05-04-2011 09:50 by srpdrzman
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7-eleven, mini-marts, and several gas stations will be closed this week due to a death in the family...
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05-04-2011 09:31 by srpdrzman
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