Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Put Anthony Hopkins and Robert De Niro on the same screen and you no longer have just a movie ..You have God's favorite movie,

   Dear God...thank you for all the good times you brought me this spring. Especially for that waitress in Myrtle Beach. You remember her....she kept screaming your name. :)

   Bobby Brown has a movie deal and a book about his life called "Higher than a muthafker".

   Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion

   "Macho Man" Randy Savage died at 58. Whitney Houston at 48. Corey Haim at 38. Heath Ledger at 28. How old is Justin Bieber again?

   I should be in Top Chef the way I Wake N Bake!

   I'm celebrating mlk day. I use the Ebony category on p orn hub today

   [Wendy and the Burger King having sex] King: You like this? Wendy: I'm loving it! *the Burger King stops* King: What did you just say?

   Hard to believe its been 18 years since Will Smith saved 'Merica!!

   Joan Rivers passed away at 81, but her face was only 12. . .

   Hey Canada, when you're griping about how hot it is the one day it hits 70, remember, in the south we call that winter.

   When are the winter special olympics??

   ok Doc, give up... your not funny.

   So I have been thinking about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little baby spoons and then I got to wondering...what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

   Oprah makes $315,000,000/year = $26,000,000/month = $6,000,000/week = $850,000/day = $35,000/hour = $600/minute = $10/second

   so fine, he's so fine he blows your mind.

   Think I'll get a third shot. And no I'm not in a bar.

   For some reason, the press seems more concerned with "BIack Man Killed By Police", than "Police KiIIed By BIack Man."

   All of mankind is descended of a man and a woman who had two sons. Think about that. Take as much time as you need.

   Oh wait, Donald Trump has a bible! Lets vote for him! He is legit!