Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This weekend I will be drinking in Dog Beers, that way it doesn't sound like I am such a lush.

   Just herd Tyler Perry is investing in a new special event...Ah well... I will talk to you guys later, I'm about to watch Tyler Perry Presents: The Oscars.

   saw a roach crawling at home while eating, and didnt think anything of it. Saw a dead roach in the restroom at O'Charleys and raised hell!!!!

   going to defrag my brain. Process takes 8 to 9 hours. Will be unavailable till reboot is complete..

   If I started feeding our pig sugar now. Would I have to make the glaze later or would it come built in?

   People worth dating are nearly impossible to come by.

   it time for your medication or mine?

   Talk is cheap but liquor is cheaper

   WOW! Monty Hall turns 90 today - apparently he was offered 12 more year of healthy living, or he could trade it for what's behind door #2

   I have finally just accepted all my invitations to connect on LinkedIn. Now I wait. With my pants off.

   Every time I concentrate real hard, it starts to smell like incense.

   Peeing is like going to the gas station, you'll wait til the very last second to go when you don't have a choice anymore!...

   Don't confuse being stupid with being in love. There is a huge difference.

   What are you doing here? Was there a jailbreak at the zoo?

   My Beta player just died, I guess I need to buck up and finally buy a VHS player. SMH!

   I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure

   Beer commercials never show anyone drunk. Not after a divorce, being fired or losing a child in a tragic loose trophy shelf accident.

   Rabity Ear Antennae users and Direct TV customers will finally have clearer reception tomorrow as the Satlellite approaches closer- Sat they will be back to fuzzy logic!

   Sign Board At Petrol Pump: 'Please Don't Smoke here... V knw Ur Life has No Value but Petrol is Very EXPENSIVE'

   I drank so much this weekend, that if Dracula bit my neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.