Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter!

   So you need some excitement in her life? Go buy a pet hippo or badger. Problem solved!

   As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

   looking fo a site where I can find old as well as new friends and maybe see some pics of what they look like now. Any ideas?

   just when I thought Roethlessberger couldn't look anymore like a douche he goes and proves me wrong by shaving his beard....

   noticed that Mick Jager and Hugh Hefner sure are looking alot these days

   The Sun... Woman dies after having special resin injected into buttocks... Gavin from Autoglass has gone too far this time!

   This weekend I will be drinking in Dog Beers, that way it doesn't sound like I am such a lush.

   Just herd Tyler Perry is investing in a new special event...Ah well... I will talk to you guys later, I'm about to watch Tyler Perry Presents: The Oscars.

   saw a roach crawling at home while eating, and didnt think anything of it. Saw a dead roach in the restroom at O'Charleys and raised hell!!!!

   going to defrag my brain. Process takes 8 to 9 hours. Will be unavailable till reboot is complete..

   If I started feeding our pig sugar now. Would I have to make the glaze later or would it come built in?

   People worth dating are nearly impossible to come by.

   it time for your medication or mine?

   Talk is cheap but liquor is cheaper

   WOW! Monty Hall turns 90 today - apparently he was offered 12 more year of healthy living, or he could trade it for what's behind door #2

   I have finally just accepted all my invitations to connect on LinkedIn. Now I wait. With my pants off.

   Every time I concentrate real hard, it starts to smell like incense.

   Peeing is like going to the gas station, you'll wait til the very last second to go when you don't have a choice anymore!...

   Don't confuse being stupid with being in love. There is a huge difference.