Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I like to go into diners and quietly start conversations with strangers about eggs and the apocalypse.
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05-14-2011 20:57
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Was once told by a farmer that thongs are like barb-wire fence. It protects the property without blocking a great view.
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05-14-2011 20:52
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The Count from Sesame Street had OCD, right?
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05-14-2011 20:52
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I got a funny cigarette and a $2 bottle of wine and a beautiful blonde with me tonight!! Life can't get no sweeter!!
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05-14-2011 19:55 by urboyblue
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Hopes that the Gay community is enjoying all the free media attention...with the flooding in Manitoba I haven't heard the word "Dykes" used so much since last years Gay Pride week .
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05-14-2011 19:53 by Vybe
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I molested myself last night, I said no, but I knew I wanted it
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05-14-2011 19:46 by Ian R
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Rosa Parks never called SHOTGUN!!
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05-14-2011 19:35 by Bear
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hoping to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday.
Whenever I need a moment to myself, I just go on MySpace.
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05-14-2011 17:51
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Life doesn't change. Only the people in it.
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05-14-2011 16:59 by @Buddz31
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Whenever I hear a woman say, "I dont need a man" ...all I hear is, "I cant get a man"
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05-14-2011 16:36
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Friends are like underwear.... Some crawl up your butt... Some snap under pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a little twisted... Some are your favorite.Some are cheap & just plain nasty.And some actually do cover your butt
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05-14-2011 16:05 by shoesan
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Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
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05-14-2011 14:53 by BEGO
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Dear Mario, I wested my childhood just to save your Girlfriend!
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05-14-2011 14:44 by VisHaL
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Treat em like ladies - love em like lesbians!
With the success of "Teen Mom" as well as "16 & Pregnant," MTV is proud to announce their new show "15 & F*cking."
Tom's may provide shoes for poor kids in Africa but I provide jobs for kids in China by purchasing Nikes. I'm truly the better person.
NOT FAT! I'M FESTIVELY PLUMP
Why is it that when a bird flies into a window, everyone feels bad for the bird, but when I walk into a sliding glass door, it's suddenly f*cking hilarious?
Sarcasm - honesty's drunk uncle.