Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   With that big gap between your 2 front teeth , I don't know wether to smile at you or to kick a goal.......

   I may not have fulfilled my dream of becoming a rock star just yet, but I will definitely make up for it one day by destroying a couple of keyboard while singing before I leave the office.

   The single hand that wipes your tears during your failures, is better than the hands that clap for your successes...

   69% of people; find something DIRTY in every sentence

   When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to. When a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two

   That unnecessary music they play in scary movies that is scarier than the actual movie

   Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

   It's sad to see that two close people don't recognize each other anymore. Not because they grew up but because they grew apart.

   I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

   A stranger stabs you in the front. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. An enemy stabs you in the back but real friends don't carry knives.

   "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

   I blame Survivor for my inability to put out a tiki torch without saying, "the tribe has spoken."

   Roses are red, violets are blue... I have a gun so get in the van.

   Not looking forward to the end of the world sat..should be on a monday..

   running for the phone charger like it's the end of the world

   I wonder if Rapper M-Bone is teaching Jesus how to Dougie!!

   instead of that daylight savings crap why dont we just move the clock ahead an hour every friday at noon so we get outta work early , then on sunday move the clock back an hour at like 3AM so we can sleep that extra hour .

   Just killed a spider in kitchen and I'm leaving it there dead on the floor , just so all the rest can see what will happen to them .

   Someone questioned: "Y do we need a lover when there are so many around to love us?" A wise man answered: "As air is everywhere but we still need a fan to feel it!" :)

   i thought it was going to take us a couple of days to take down libya! what happened?