Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the guy with the giraffe and all the gold tryin' to give the Dos Equis guy a run for his money?

   so the Bible says the world is going to end May 21, 2011.. Santa Claus always said the Mayan's got the date right years ago. well thats what the Easter bunny told me....

   Linguists say we're at risk of losing hundreds of indigenous languages and also the word “dang”.

   Why the hell do birds wake up so early? They dont have to work, obviously anything they do have to do isnt time sensitive and yet at 5am they're chirping like crazy, honestly I think they just like messin' with us.

   If they make a Fast and the Furious 6 they have to make another Rocky, I cant live in a world where there are more Fast and the Furious movies than Rocky movies.

   I wonder if gay guys make fun of each other when they do something "straight"

   I'm not saying that "killing them with kindness" cant work, but I'm pretty sure that an automatic weapon works alot faster and more accurately.

   "On your bach,or you vill go bach"-Arnold Schwarzenegger

   Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat.

   that akward moment when someone says something really dumb just as the crowd gets silent

   I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.

   who's your daddy and what does he do? Governor California

   it considered addiction if you need a cup of coffee to fall asleep?

   I told a lady in the elevator this morning that I think she drew her eyebrows on to high. She looked suprised.

   Today's irony: listening to Skynard's "That smell" as I'm driving by Harris Beefs stockyard.

   going to make sure he is wearing clean underwear for the rapture.

   predicts Harold Camping will die of old age before any rapture.

   just hired Blondie to perform at his rapture party.

   s a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

   Maybe this Mississippi flooding is part of the rapture thing? Has anyone thought about building an ark???