Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i wanna grow up to be like Steve Stifler

   wants a Web redemption

   Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.

   I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it Kramer?

   outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country

   You know you have way too many Facebook friends and need to clean up your act when you search through your friends for someone named "Taffy" and it gives you choices.

   used to have a machete, but times have changed

   No I don't need new shoes, I just want them!

   After hearing someone just ramble on and on on the phone or in person, don't you just wish they would become verbally impotent?

   players never die, they just try their luck at a different table

   no Proctologist, but I know an a$$hole when I see one.

   Its amazing how many of Darwin's biggest obstacles are allowed the privelage to drive on our roadways in this day in age.

   I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom took away his WII, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own a$$

   not sure we're using this internet thingy properly. He just Googled 'Partridge Family Theme Song Lyrics' and got 97,000 pages that had them. Seriously? He thinks one page is quite enough. Maybe 2, for a backup in case one goes down.

   I had a hard time believing a movie called Furry Vegeance was a family movie...I thought it was a movie about a woman scorned.....boy was I wrong!

   It doesn't value to play ,except you play to the end

   Hell hath no fury like . . . the lawyer of a woman scorned!!

   "Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left."

   Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it.

   Well, I've been watching this show for years and in still waiting for these guys to bust the myth about 'Once you go black, you never go back'