Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It doesn't value to play ,except you play to the end

   Hell hath no fury like . . . the lawyer of a woman scorned!!

   "Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left."

   Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.

   i wanna grow up to be like Steve Stifler

   wants a Web redemption

   Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.

   I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it Kramer?

   outside of all the killing, washington has the lowest crime rate in the country

   You know you have way too many Facebook friends and need to clean up your act when you search through your friends for someone named "Taffy" and it gives you choices.

   Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it.

   Well, I've been watching this show for years and in still waiting for these guys to bust the myth about 'Once you go black, you never go back'

   When I'm inevitably brought to justice for my crimes against humanity I hope I'm found "incredibly" guilty and not just "regular" guilty.

   Instead of a fox, I would have had the Carfax mascot be a fax machine.

   Just hired a cat sitter to sit on my cat.

   If you're looking for the Poop emoticon on Whatsapp, go straight to the "people" tab.

   This cop is not buying "I need it to scratch areas on my back I can't reach" as an excuse for carrying an AK-47.

   The only people who piss me off are the ones who convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

   For Fathers Day I made breakfast in bed for my dad. It's extremely hard to cook food while in bed, and now his bed sheets are ruined.

   She says I am her one and only love, but she has a whole photo album dedicated to Brad Pitt while my single pic on her page is languishing under wall pictures.