Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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After hearing someone just ramble on and on on the phone or in person, don't you just wish they would become verbally impotent? 
players never die, they just try their luck at a different table
no Proctologist, but I know an a$$hole when I see one.
Its amazing how many of Darwin's biggest obstacles are allowed the privelage to drive on our roadways in this day in age.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom took away his WII, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own a$$
not sure we're using this internet thingy properly. He just Googled 'Partridge Family Theme Song Lyrics' and got 97,000 pages that had them. Seriously? He thinks one page is quite enough. Maybe 2, for a backup in case one goes down.
I had a hard time believing a movie called Furry Vegeance was a family movie...I thought it was a movie about a woman scorned.....boy was I wrong!
It doesn't value to play ,except you play to the end
Hell hath no fury like . . . the lawyer of a woman scorned!!
"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left."
Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it.
Well, I've been watching this show for years and in still waiting for these guys to bust the myth about 'Once you go black, you never go back'
When I'm inevitably brought to justice for my crimes against humanity I hope I'm found "incredibly" guilty and not just "regular" guilty.
Instead of a fox, I would have had the Carfax mascot be a fax machine.
Just hired a cat sitter to sit on my cat.
If you're looking for the Poop emoticon on Whatsapp, go straight to the "people" tab.
This cop is not buying "I need it to scratch areas on my back I can't reach" as an excuse for carrying an AK-47.
The only people who piss me off are the ones who convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.
For Fathers Day I made breakfast in bed for my dad. It's extremely hard to cook food while in bed, and now his bed sheets are ruined.
She says I am her one and only love, but she has a whole photo album dedicated to Brad Pitt while my single pic on her page is languishing under wall pictures. 