Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Looks like we have an idiot on the lose today. Disregards those meaningless statuses.

   I will do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up.

   Every American President inherits a sworn duty to protect Israel. Protecting Israel costs money and lives. Losing money and lives while trying to protect Israel can cost an American president his job. Its a viscous circle.

   What I like about soy butter is the delicate blending of the flavors of fish food and dirt.

   While cooking dinner tonight I got herbs in my eyes. I am now parsley sighted

   boobbies make me happy click if you like boobbies, say it boobies

   The words that sunk a million hearts... "Let's just be friends"

   easily doubled his money by folding it in half and putting it back into my pocket

   Dear slut: Has your right leg ever met your left leg? _Discusted bystanders

   hates being bi-polar. It's awesome.

   trading his mother-in-law for a stud service and willing to add cash

   still looking for his future mother-in-law with only one very nice and sexy daugther

   Someone is thinking about sex....OK it's me :)

   I organized a three some last night....there were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time

   Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!

   I wonder where Harold Camping is hiding these days? Is he counting the millions of $$$ he scammed from his followers? He's a disgrace to the human race.

   She: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? He: No. I think that's imagination.

   The biggest difference between my wife and a bear is that sometimes, if I play dead, the bear will leave me alone.

   Jail..the government's way of sending you to your room.

   I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.