Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cops think they are so cool, driving around in their flashy cars

   Americans don't need the upcoming Trumpcare CBO report. POTUS already tweeted that his plan was great, so why ruin it with statistical analysis?

   It's leap day tomorrow. This is God's way of punishing us by having Bernie and Nancy coming out as lovers

   Trump would've had more speakers at the convention but they're were roster issues. Translation: Trump ran out of family members.

   I don't get what the big deal is: the entire Republican platform is plagiarized from my uncle's drunken Thanksgiving rants.

   Got a white noise machine. Not sure how listening to people talk about GoT and pumpkin spice will help me sleep

   That was quick. Mooch is down, and I only need one Jeff Sessions for Trump Bingo ! .

   She’s not angry...she just doesn’t like you.

   This program has been brought to you by Smirnoff Vodka. Smirnoff...soon to be the official drink of the USA.

   First day on the job and Trump is already focusing on the real issues, like argue with the media about how many people attended his inauguration.

   US added 235,000 jobs in February. To be fair, most of those were fact checkers reporting on Trump.

   If Trump cannot deliver the goods for the Kremlin, Putin will have him replaced by someone who can.

   Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I mean EVERY TIME! It's freakish and it can't really be safe.

   So many people speak for God like there are his personal couriers sent to deliver his message promising all sorts of goodies he has in store us.

   People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.

   I hate people that say "Only God can judge me"... No, I'm pretty sure I can judge you too. Climb down off your high horse where you belong Pocahontas!!

   you are not big boned, you are fat . . . Bones don't jiggle!

   Deja Fu: I've been kicked in the head like this before...

   I feel bad for Santa....the poor guy only comes once a year

   If I saw spiderman I would ask him to help me get 2 work fast, if I saw batman I would ask where he got all those cool toys, if I saw superman I would want help gettin my skateboard off the roof..if I saw wonderwoman I would ask "where's my sandwhich?"