Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Americans don't need the upcoming Trumpcare CBO report. POTUS already tweeted that his plan was great, so why ruin it with statistical analysis?
←Rate | 03-14-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon First day on the job and Trump is already focusing on the real issues, like argue with the media about how many people attended his inauguration.
←Rate | 01-22-2017 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon US added 235,000 jobs in February. To be fair, most of those were fact checkers reporting on Trump.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 05:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Trump cannot deliver the goods for the Kremlin, Putin will have him replaced by someone who can.
←Rate | 08-03-2017 10:34 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Satisfied isnt her telling you how great you were afterwards....Satisfied is her being unable too speak afterwards...I Do Work Son!!
←Rate | 06-04-2011 20:15 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.
←Rate | 05-15-2011 15:49 by Donny World Comments (0)  


   messageicon how do you turn your dishwasher into a bobcat,,, give your wife a shovel
←Rate | 07-02-2011 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna make your girl scream when ya have sex fella's?? Call her and tell her where ur at!!
←Rate | 08-05-2011 15:02 by urboyblue Comments (0)  


   messageicon To me women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 05:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHY do people point at their wrist while asking the time? I don't point at my crotch while asking where the toilet is!
←Rate | 03-09-2011 01:52 by @DonSixx Comments (0)  


   messageicon you are not big boned, you are fat . . . Bones don't jiggle!
←Rate | 11-18-2010 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deja Fu: I've been kicked in the head like this before...
←Rate | 11-24-2010 10:22 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel bad for Santa....the poor guy only comes once a year
←Rate | 11-30-2010 13:48 by Adam K Denny Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I saw spiderman I would ask him to help me get 2 work fast, if I saw batman I would ask where he got all those cool toys, if I saw superman I would want help gettin my skateboard off the roof..if I saw wonderwoman I would ask "where's my sandwhich?"
←Rate | 08-13-2010 14:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder if Southern Belles say "I do declare" a lot when they're doing their taxes.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 10:05 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping: I took my girlfriend into eight different pubs without getting a drink and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
←Rate | 01-05-2011 06:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon putting up a new business in town; Zodiac Signs Tattoo Removal.
←Rate | 01-22-2011 19:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I mean EVERY TIME! It's freakish and it can't really be safe.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So many people speak for God like there are his personal couriers sent to deliver his message promising all sorts of goodies he has in store us.
←Rate | 06-29-2014 07:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 12:39 Comments (0)  




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