Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4826 of 6445

Americans don't need the upcoming Trumpcare CBO report. POTUS already tweeted that his plan was great, so why ruin it with statistical analysis?
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03-14-2017 05:04
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First day on the job and Trump is already focusing on the real issues, like argue with the media about how many people attended his inauguration.
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01-22-2017 02:42
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US added 235,000 jobs in February. To be fair, most of those were fact checkers reporting on Trump.
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03-22-2017 05:44
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If Trump cannot deliver the goods for the Kremlin, Putin will have him replaced by someone who can.
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08-03-2017 10:34
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Satisfied isnt her telling you how great you were afterwards....Satisfied is her being unable too speak afterwards...I Do Work Son!!

okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.

how do you turn your dishwasher into a bobcat,,, give your wife a shovel
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07-02-2011 08:10
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Wanna make your girl scream when ya have sex fella's?? Call her and tell her where ur at!!
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08-05-2011 15:02 by urboyblue
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To me women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.
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08-25-2011 05:06
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WHY do people point at their wrist while asking the time? I don't point at my crotch while asking where the toilet is!
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03-09-2011 01:52 by @DonSixx
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you are not big boned, you are fat . . . Bones don't jiggle!
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11-18-2010 00:14
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Deja Fu: I've been kicked in the head like this before...

I feel bad for Santa....the poor guy only comes once a year

If I saw spiderman I would ask him to help me get 2 work fast, if I saw batman I would ask where he got all those cool toys, if I saw superman I would want help gettin my skateboard off the roof..if I saw wonderwoman I would ask "where's my sandwhich?"
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08-13-2010 14:12
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Wonder if Southern Belles say "I do declare" a lot when they're doing their taxes.
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08-23-2010 10:05 by Tom
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I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping: I took my girlfriend into eight different pubs without getting a drink and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
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01-05-2011 06:26
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putting up a new business in town; Zodiac Signs Tattoo Removal.
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01-22-2011 19:07
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Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? I mean EVERY TIME! It's freakish and it can't really be safe.
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08-08-2015 06:56 by flinnie
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So many people speak for God like there are his personal couriers sent to deliver his message promising all sorts of goodies he has in store us.
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06-29-2014 07:17
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People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.
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08-02-2014 12:39
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