Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Americans don't need the upcoming Trumpcare CBO report. POTUS already tweeted that his plan was great, so why ruin it with statistical analysis?

   It's leap day tomorrow. This is God's way of punishing us by having Bernie and Nancy coming out as lovers

   Trump would've had more speakers at the convention but they're were roster issues. Translation: Trump ran out of family members.

   I don't get what the big deal is: the entire Republican platform is plagiarized from my uncle's drunken Thanksgiving rants.

   Got a white noise machine. Not sure how listening to people talk about GoT and pumpkin spice will help me sleep

   That was quick. Mooch is down, and I only need one Jeff Sessions for Trump Bingo ! .

   She’s not angry...she just doesn’t like you.

   This program has been brought to you by Smirnoff Vodka. Smirnoff...soon to be the official drink of the USA.

   First day on the job and Trump is already focusing on the real issues, like argue with the media about how many people attended his inauguration.

   US added 235,000 jobs in February. To be fair, most of those were fact checkers reporting on Trump.

   If Trump cannot deliver the goods for the Kremlin, Putin will have him replaced by someone who can.

   Satisfied isnt her telling you how great you were afterwards....Satisfied is her being unable too speak afterwards...I Do Work Son!!

   okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.

   how do you turn your dishwasher into a bobcat,,, give your wife a shovel

   Wanna make your girl scream when ya have sex fella's?? Call her and tell her where ur at!!

   To me women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

   WHY do people point at their wrist while asking the time? I don't point at my crotch while asking where the toilet is!

   you are not big boned, you are fat . . . Bones don't jiggle!

   Deja Fu: I've been kicked in the head like this before...

   I feel bad for Santa....the poor guy only comes once a year