Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The top 5 footballers from the 2010-11 season have been announced: Giggs Cort Given Thomas De Koch.

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to Ice Ice Baby.

   perhaps he should stop singing the teenage mutant hero turtles theme song its really freaking everyone out here at the aquarium

   Some status p0sts are not meant to be liked or disliked, they are just meant to be digested/pondered.

   What's the difference between a liar and a cheater? Nothing, they're practically brothers!

   i know you have an open mind..... I can see what's in ur head...nothing

   Dear Mother in Law , pls don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he sure needs a lot of improvement ;)

   Problem is people confuse LOVE with BUSINESS. If you are with her because she gives the best BJs and she is with you because you pay all her bills then thats not a LOVE affair, that's just a BUSINESS arrangement.

   Ground is soft this time of year. But burying a body is hot, sweaty work. And that's how the lemonade industry gets you.

   I look at cold sores as a reflection of too much trust 

   Watching "The Voice" and can't help but think that Cee Lo looks like Carl Winslow.

   Dominos use to be made with saddness and disappointment with just a sprinkle of fry grease and hooker spit once, but now it's made with "real cheese" and failure.

   Domino's pizza is now made with real cheese." Well, WTF where you using before?

   You have the perfect face for the radio.

   Dear students, I know when you`re texting. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, teacher.

   When going commando the the word "hurry" should not even be in your vocabulary.. just sayin.

   You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one damn night!"

   If you didn't hear it with your OWN ears or see it with your OWN eyes, don't go passing it on with your OWN damn mouth!"