Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "If you are under investigation by the FBI. you should not be president -Donald Trump 7/14/16

   got a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said 'I wanna watch'

   Osama 0 - Obama 1

   Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)

   im no gynecologist...but I'll take a look ;)

   Sarah Palins name is becoming so big, That she can no longer see Russia from her house.

   Lean pockets: for those of you who don't eat meat, but still like diarrhea.

   #ThoughtsWhileLosingVirginity.........."So this is what all the hype is about huh"

   I'm writing a book about cheap imported cars... It's a real Saab story.

   In school days I used to hate that guy/girl who always reminds the teacher about tests and vivas

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   Boyfriend not calling you back? Send a text you're about to cut off all your hair. Ahhhh there he is!

   AT&T should make a commercial with the pink dress girl naked and say, hey tmobile where is your clothes? And the girl can say you bought it right off my back.

   at the Casey Anthony Abortion Clinic, It's NEVER too late...

   I think I'm gonna start texting random numbers saying "OMG, I JUST SAW YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!"

   Mike Pence is a wax sculpture in a museum of what people used to believe and live like centuries ago.

   Womens March was the largest gathering of people with disabilities in US history.

   It sucks when a bunch of rich white guys don't get the improvements to their health care plan at the expense of women and the poor like they have been promised.

   Windmill noise causes cancer? I learn something new everyday.

   Will E.L. James' next book be called "Fifity Shades of Gay"?