Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.

   So this chick yelled that I was hot and she wanted me and this loser thought she was talking to him...awkward

   I've been told I have a face for Photoshop.

   I wonder if all hot girls go through life believing that everyone is being genuinely nice to them all the time.

   Got this great new calorie counting app. Each day I go for a new high score.

   Woke up with a smile after noticing I have as many NBA rings as LeBron.

   Nike is coming out with a new Lebron ringtone app for I-phone.....the only problem is it dont have any RINGS!!!!

   I keep all the extra buttons that come with clothes just in case I ever need an extra 973 buttons

   Put a woman in a car and she drives like she's the only one on the road and crashes into everything - Put her on the bumper cars at a theme park and she drives cautiously around the outside and avoids hitting anything.

   ■Remember, people only rain on your parade because they're jealous of your sun & tired of their shade

   hey look on the bright side LeBron. you have all those endorsement deals including the one who just called for you. wants you to be the new face of the board game "sorry"

   im not weired... you just dont know me well enough

   You put a little vodka in the Jello shots and its all ok, but let me put in a little cystal meth and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.....

   I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I am alive because i'ma a fighter. I am wise because i've been foolish. and I've laughed because i've known sadness.

   Apple is coming out with a new phone. It's called the Lebron james edition. It's silent and has no rings

   Lazy Rule #19401957294710149: you're so lazy you didn't even finish reading the number.

   City of Dallas just announced tomorrow is Lebron James Day. Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early.

   in Dos Equis Man voice... " Lebron's game doesn't always disappear, but when it does he prefers the playoffs"

   I wonder if Lebron & Wade are gonna mock Dirk holding up the trophy?

   DALLAS - (D)irk (A)int (L)etting (L)ebron (A)ss (S)hine