Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4783 of 6370
just read the thermometer and it read "stay in the house" ..
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06-14-2011 03:32 by Mudda
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I line Dance just so I can kick people and get away with it
I have so many questions for people in lesbian marriages. Like, who is the wife and who is the husband? Who buys who flowers? Who opens doors for the who? Who leaves the toilet seat up? Who makes who a sandwich? Who just sits on the sofa watching sport?
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06-14-2011 01:39
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Got in a fight. You should see the other guys....they are perfectly fine.
Why is it that whenever I wish someone a happy birthday they always assume Facebook reminded me? Do you ever think maybe just maybe I care that much to remember the day you were born.
An Arab invented the original mechanical clock, which is odd since Arabs are never on time.
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06-13-2011 23:23 by Mahdi H
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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong
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06-13-2011 22:48
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I still don't understand how finishing my food is going to save a starving child in Africa.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let's go off script. What are you wearing?"
People should STOP complaining about Facebook's privacy settings. If you want some PRIVACY, you should go back to Myspace.
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06-13-2011 22:01
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a LEADER, not a follower... But if we're walking into a creepy dark place, SCREW THAT! You're going first!
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06-13-2011 22:00 by BEGO
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Teacher: From all this noise I assume you're done working Student: From all this b**ching I assume you're still single
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06-13-2011 21:58 by BEGO
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I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.
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06-13-2011 21:33 by BEGO
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Just learned the hard way not to scream hi to my friend jack on a plane.
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06-13-2011 21:33 by Hijack
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I hate it when someone I don't like says something funny.
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06-13-2011 21:32 by BEGO
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The hardest thing in life is letting go of what you thought was real.
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06-13-2011 21:31 by BEGO
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► Play the moments ▌▌ Pause the memories ■ Stop the pain ◄◄ Rewind the happiness. Be a remote in your life
Having kids is like a never-ending press conference: "No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next." "No, you can't really fly - next."
What's all this about Lebron being a Weiner?