Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4773 of 6371
destructive forces have hit the Gulf Coast! Oh, and a hurricane sweeped by.
←Rate |
08-28-2012 05:47 by Bob
Comments (0)
I asked her out and she said yes, but sadly I ended up going on a date with her expectations.
←Rate |
09-18-2012 14:08
Comments (0)
Do I look fat in this? Could you just shut up while I'm having sex with you.
←Rate |
09-19-2012 10:49
Comments (0)
I don't want a girlfriend because the only thing worse than being lonely is sharing food.
←Rate |
09-25-2012 02:53
Comments (0)
"Oh, you're gonna eat the peach cobbler first??,, huh fatty??,,,,, You sicken me." - Mean Cuisine
←Rate |
10-04-2012 16:52 by snotty
Comments (0)
My wife said no sex tonight. End of discussion. Period.
←Rate |
10-06-2012 10:52
Comments (0)
Wearing crocs to protect your virginity.
←Rate |
10-21-2012 08:09
Comments (0)
Onions think that they are ugly because you cry after you get them naked.
←Rate |
02-13-2013 03:53
Comments (0)
Being Single on Valentine's Day just reminds how pathetic some people are, and how awesome I still am for Being Single on Valentine's Day."
Mad Facebook gets a multi billion dollar tax break
←Rate |
02-18-2013 10:28
Comments (0)
I thought Canadian was a religion.
←Rate |
04-04-2013 14:08
Comments (0)
I resent the term alcoholic, I prefer the term spiritual.
←Rate |
04-09-2013 12:15
Comments (0)
When I see someone texting and walking, I sometimes purposely vier over and bump into them.
←Rate |
06-26-2013 14:18 by McCord740
Comments (0)
I'm not saying I'm lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my truck so I just wrote back "nah"
She's not my girl but I get her to smile
←Rate |
07-09-2013 17:26 by L
Comments (0)
I'd love to give whoever designed the iPhone 5 a car that refills quickly at the pump but only goes 10 miles before needing another refill
←Rate |
07-16-2013 18:12
Comments (0)
It's SO weird to think that before we invented cars,, if you hated someone, you had to key their horse.
←Rate |
07-22-2013 19:49 by snotty
Comments (0)
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble wrap...
The waitress just called me honey, then she went over to another table and called that dude honey also. Welp, there goes her tip
←Rate |
08-07-2013 10:25
Comments (0)
One sure sign that youve had a had a successful commute is that someone flips you the bird at least once. After all, How can you tell if you're succeeding in life without without metrics?
←Rate |
08-07-2013 17:10
Comments (0)