Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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They truly don't make movies like they use too...When I was a kid movies had values, morals and ethics...And without these great movies how would I have ever known that I "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"...
"I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."
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08-05-2011 12:08 by Gil
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Dr. Dre has changed the name of his album from Detox to Unicorn. We can only assume it's because it's something that no one is ever gonna actually see
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04-20-2011 14:15 by Q
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I've read the story before the duck dies
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04-24-2011 19:58
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If my death is as extraordinary as my life... then I should go quietly in my sleep.
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04-26-2011 14:44 by J. BIAZA
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an important lesson I've learned moving from an office to a cubical, is that you cannot successfully execute a silent "one cheek sneak" while wearing noise cancelling headphones.
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03-09-2011 20:17
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a long term relationship with whisky though it seems complicated because i'm still having some feeling for vodka!
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03-29-2011 16:32 by Dr. MJ
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I believe that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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04-05-2011 14:34
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How can you just assume that a gallon of whiskey a day has a negative effect on my life?
You ever had a gut feeling about having an empty stomach?
life can be as sweet as you make it.. kinda like kool-aid.. life is kool-aid..
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08-17-2011 13:34 by chitodh
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If they would have had Facebook when I was in college, I would still be in college.
■My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.
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09-04-2011 22:46 by BEGO
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I hate it when I go for a hug, and she goes for a handshake. >:(
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry
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09-09-2011 13:42 by nick1295
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So... I noticed this tough guy on the bus wearing the same Pantera t-shirt for three straight days. Today he was wearing a Slayer shirt... Thank God for laundry day!
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08-12-2011 17:50 by Icedogg
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When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late.
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08-15-2011 23:40 by BEGO
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MTV Cribs is a nice reminder that we all act like complete idiots when we come into money.
women dont trust women, why should i???