Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4766 of 6371
Ever look at your ex while thinking "was I drunk for our whole relationship?
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06-19-2011 12:51 by RoN
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Sometimes I need to hold my girlfriend underwater in order to find her leak then I can throw a vinyl patch on her and go about my business.
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06-19-2011 12:51
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Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...
I was chillin' with my buddy and his wife walked in and said, "Happy Father's Day! You're so much more than the guy who used to buy dollar store condoms."
Dear Ex, please get out of my head and heart. Sincerely, someone who`s trying to move on.
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06-19-2011 12:46 by RoN
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Facebook really needs a "pee on someone's wall" option.
• Where does a woman put perfume? Where she wish to be kissed.
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06-19-2011 12:42
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Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”
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06-19-2011 12:40
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Ladies.. Let no past relationship ruin your love life. Remember: "Love will only fail when you fail to love!" Keep moving!
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06-19-2011 12:40 by RoN
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Things a woman should know first before we start dating - My fav beer is your fav beer, My fav team is your fav team, you can have freewill on everything else.
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06-19-2011 12:38
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Nothing says Happy Father's Day like waking up next to a stripper and wondering if she actually has a father to celebrate the day.
• The craziest girls are the ones who seem the most normal at first.
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06-19-2011 11:49
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When we run into an ex, we always play "Who Won?" And in our minds, we always won.
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06-19-2011 11:43
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step aside, I have a spork!
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06-19-2011 11:31 by gee
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@Guys - We appreciate when you keep your condoms within close reach from the bed so we don't spend ten minutes waiting naked while you search the other end of the apartment.
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06-19-2011 10:47
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Having personally eavesdropped hundreds of times, I can confidently confirm that GIRL TALK is much more devious, coniving, detailed, dirty and disgusting than GUY TALK
The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and I call him Dad! Happy Fathers Day to My Dad & All The Daddy's Out there
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06-19-2011 10:15
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Hopefully today I don't have any unknown kids coming to my door with gifts.....Happy Fathers Day anyways......
i dont mind walking past bushes alone on a dark night. What I do mind is when people start jumping out of them
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06-19-2011 09:58 by mtravica
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This Fathers Day I would like to thank Maury Povich for his relentless efforts helping many people in the ghetto enjoy a normally very confusing day.....
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06-19-2011 09:46 by vacman
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