Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was chillin' with my buddy and his wife walked in and said, "Happy Father's Day! You're so much more than the guy who used to buy dollar store condoms."

   Dear Ex, please get out of my head and heart. Sincerely, someone who`s trying to move on.

   Facebook really needs a "pee on someone's wall" option.

   • Where does a woman put perfume? Where she wish to be kissed.

   Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”

   Ladies.. Let no past relationship ruin your love life. Remember: "Love will only fail when you fail to love!" Keep moving!

   Things a woman should know first before we start dating - My fav beer is your fav beer, My fav team is your fav team, you can have freewill on everything else.

   Nothing says Happy Father's Day like waking up next to a stripper and wondering if she actually has a father to celebrate the day.

   • The craziest girls are the ones who seem the most normal at first.

   When we run into an ex, we always play "Who Won?" And in our minds, we always won.

   step aside, I have a spork!

   @Guys - We appreciate when you keep your condoms within close reach from the bed so we don't spend ten minutes waiting naked while you search the other end of the apartment.

   Having personally eavesdropped hundreds of times, I can confidently confirm that GIRL TALK is much more devious, coniving, detailed, dirty and disgusting than GUY TALK

   The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and I call him Dad! Happy Fathers Day to My Dad & All The Daddy's Out there

   Hopefully today I don't have any unknown kids coming to my door with gifts.....Happy Fathers Day anyways......

   i dont mind walking past bushes alone on a dark night. What I do mind is when people start jumping out of them

   This Fathers Day I would like to thank Maury Povich for his relentless efforts helping many people in the ghetto enjoy a normally very confusing day.....

   The most confusing day in the ghetto is Fathers Day

   The most beautifull blessing that can ever be given to anyone:"May the worst day of your future be better than the best day of your past..."

   Learning from water. "Adjust yourself in every situation & in any shape", But Most importantly always find out your "own way to flow..."