Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4760 of 6370
I wish I had a fly swatter with me, when I sit next to people who dont cover their mouth when they yawn or cough.
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06-20-2011 22:20
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When I was little, I used to watch the raindrops roll down the window and see which one "won"
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06-20-2011 22:04 by BEGO
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It's not officially summer until you start forgetting what day of the week it is.
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06-20-2011 22:02 by BEGO
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Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
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06-20-2011 21:53 by Danny
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I met a woman who told me she wanted to walk a mile in my shoes. I guess she liked them because that was three weeks ago and I haven't seen her since.
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06-20-2011 21:53 by BEGO
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I went to the store and got me some Oreo's. As I was walking back to my car I saw a friend who told me that it was his birthday today...so for the 1st time ever, without being sarcastic, I was able to say "What...Do you want a cookie or something?"
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06-20-2011 21:19 by Downey
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“The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Dear God, Lets make a trade. Ryan Dunn for Justin Bieber? Love, Everyone.
I'm starting to think the word Gourmet means "Put something wierd on it, and triple the price"
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06-20-2011 19:39
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I've never seen that tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that text to ten friends."
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06-20-2011 19:23
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Some people's opinion doesnt matter and quite frankly never will..
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06-20-2011 18:54
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Life is Great, if it was any better, I would have to charge myself admission!
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06-20-2011 18:46 by Danny
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Dear Best Buy truck driver , thanks for the fresh load of fertilizer in my shorts . Next time look both ways before pulling out .
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06-20-2011 17:50
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spent 2 years in Siberian prison, only to find out it closed after the first month of being there...
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06-20-2011 17:13
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Irony Definition: Ryan Dunn dying from that same thing that made him famous.
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06-20-2011 16:36
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They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
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06-20-2011 16:25
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RT @ebertchicago Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive
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06-20-2011 16:12
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Marilyn Manson had a Sex-Change Operation and people now call him Lady GaGa
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06-20-2011 16:04 by Vivek
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a little upset that someone from Jackass went and died off camera.
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06-20-2011 15:52
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Jimi Hendrix God of Guitar \m/
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06-20-2011 14:55 by jim
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