Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   heard the new Cubs regime was going to return the Team to thier Glory days...How can anyone possibly know what that was like???

   i recommend dancing around naked in your living room

   2 steps forward , 2 steps backwards ..... am I just marking time or dancing ?!!!

   that studies are showing that you can be obese & fit at the same time. Yep, that's me!

   I'm off to hit the treadmill. If it doesn't break or hit me back, I may even walk or run on it.

   If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.

   I'm sorry, I can't be mean to you. It's be kind to animals week.

   do you ever get that feeling someones watching you?.... good it's about time you realized it, ive been starring at you through this window for 3 hrs, and this treebranch is killin me!

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?

   all that, a bag of chips, *and* salsa. *AND* queso.

   ..is already missing her time in Palermo. They had sunshine and sexy women. What does the U.K. haue? A week of summer and Susan Boyle.

   at the end nobody loses, but there's me laughing at you.

   Thinks they should have Extreme Bejeweled Blitz Tournaments on the OCHO

   You should do this, you should do that...how bout you jus be happy I even listen to your suggestions! 

   Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

   Did you hear the one about the woman who was sexually attracted to electronic devices? She blew a fuse.

   Sorry homework - - TV wins again! It is just too temping :)

   it possible to be still tasting Jager from last night? Somebody call an Excorsist. Blah!

   MYTH NUMBER 6.... Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear.