Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4748 of 6371
If your ever wondering which baseball player has the shortest commute to work, it's the catcher who only works from home.
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02-15-2021 09:23
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If you ever wondering why Vincent van Gogh was such a good friend, He was willing to lend an ear.
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02-15-2021 11:03
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Are self driving cars the brothel of the future?
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11-14-2018 13:41
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Growing up, all I wanted was Girls Gone Wild. As an adult, I ended up with Bills Gone Wild
If you want to know who your real facebook fiends are all you have to do is post that you got a new phone and need numbers.
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12-31-2018 08:19 by Moon
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I was walking on the beach yesterday when I noticed this guy in the ocean splashing around and yelling " shark, help, shark!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
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01-04-2019 14:03 by Bob
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So if no one posted pictures of the lunar eclipse for friends who don't look up from their phones did it really happen?
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01-21-2019 01:00 by Moon
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After much consideration I've decided not to host the Grammys this year.
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01-31-2019 10:21 by Moon
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happy vALONEtine's day to the single people
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02-14-2019 10:22 by Eddy
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In unrelated news Julian Edleman and Tom Brady have just checked in to couples therapy...
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02-22-2019 12:19 by Jsabbage
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Sometimes I get irritated when people ask me simple or even complex questions.. like you have a iPhone right there and you know the WiFi.. Google it! Ugghh I hate finals
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04-09-2019 23:21 by Rhashad
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anybody knows the booking agent to DR? its for my ex
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06-24-2019 14:58
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: The only indoor security camera that I have is inside my fridge, I want to capture the face of whoever steals my cheesecake.
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08-12-2019 08:33
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Why does lemonade contain artificial flavors but furniture polish contain real lemons?
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08-24-2019 09:29
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millipede mobster [raising guns]: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FR
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08-27-2019 04:24
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People are weird. Everyone knows door handles spread disease, but whenever I ask a business owner if I can clean his knob I get thrown out.
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08-27-2019 10:51
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My alarm clock is set to wake me up in the middle of the night so I can turn it off and sleep more.
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08-27-2019 16:16
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Just heard on the news that is sure indication you might want to evacuate before the hurricane hits is if your local Waffle House closes.
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09-03-2019 06:54
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When you're a kid, it makes you feel good when someone says, "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult *ahem*... not so much.
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09-04-2019 01:40
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I just accidentally read “Federal” as “Feral” and it made zero difference to the article.
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09-09-2019 15:44
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