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BOSS: I don't consider myself wastefull *** BOSS 5 minutes later: prints a 137 page report because he needs the last two pages
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09-18-2018 08:01
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Chicken Pot Pie: my 3 favorite things.
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09-20-2018 11:41
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If you try to heat a tortilla on the stove and let pieces get stuck on the coils your parents failed you
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10-23-2018 10:41
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Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip cookies are the main reason I have serious trust issues.
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11-01-2016 11:24
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At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.
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11-22-2016 09:19 by
@UncleBSolomon
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We Are More Brilliant Than Einstein And Newton.. It's Just that ...They Didn't Leave Anything For Us To Invent
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11-26-2016 03:29
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Never changing the oil in my car ever again! #NoDAPL
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11-27-2016 16:59
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"Water is Life"? Don't you remember the time it tried to drown you?
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11-29-2016 16:09
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Listening to terrestrial radio nowadays is the equivalent to plugging into someone else's IPod.
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12-14-2016 10:23 by
Laser Beam
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PRO TIP : EX-LAX AND SLEEPING PILLS DON'T MIX
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12-27-2016 18:27
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I hope you all have a prosperous New Year … I may have to borrow money.
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12-31-2016 07:15 by
thejoke.cafe
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DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE 2 GUYS THAT STOLE A CALENDER ? THEY BOTH GOT 6 MONTHS!!!
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01-06-2017 20:46 by
flipphonescott
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I don't always floss, but when I do it's in the dentist's office when the hygienist does it..
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01-11-2017 22:54
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If I don't get at least one friend deletion on facebook every now and then, I feel as if I'm being all I can be.
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01-29-2017 21:51
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Lady gaga had more yards in the air than Tom Brady.
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02-05-2017 20:37 by
Hillguy
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You never forget your first love. No matter how hard you try.
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03-08-2017 07:12
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I gave that pitch vibrato. Pitches love vibrato.
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03-13-2017 08:52
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Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
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03-13-2017 09:06
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When it comes to acronyms, I believe that DILLIGAF is right "up there" with NASA.
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03-22-2017 18:02 by
Mick
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If you don't know where you stand with people then walk away.
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03-22-2017 23:27 by
Cupid
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