Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4738 of 6369
How strong am I?...hmm, Is Whiskey a level?
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04-20-2014 11:43
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How do you say "I don't care" in every language known to man?
My field of dreams is just a fully stocked liquor store.
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05-24-2014 12:45
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Get close so I can push you away. ~ humans
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06-08-2014 10:38
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Vacation's over. Downside? Fewer status messages for you. Upside? Less me.
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07-18-2012 06:45
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When you decide to not talk bad about people, it really shortens the conversation
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10-31-2012 07:23
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thinks you should take up jogging!! Zombies hate fast food.
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11-02-2012 18:18
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Let me raise a glass in your honor so I can smash it against your head.
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11-09-2012 02:03
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I've done a lot of stuff to see beautiful women naked....but Twitter has got to be the most labor intensive
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11-16-2012 07:31
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First it was the infamous bus driver uppercut. Again another bus driver, gets into an altercation with another young girl, this time over loud music. Good idea for a game consult?
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11-19-2012 12:43
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to you it's a 6 pack... to me.... it's a support group
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02-22-2013 08:43 by YODA
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Don't steal things you don't need or want, like hearts.
According to planned parenthood we have a new Pope! Welcome Pope Smear. I personally would have voted for Pope Awheelie..
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03-13-2013 14:19 by JG
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Went trolling on a dating website. Caught 7 trolls...
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04-05-2013 12:58
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The most productive and efficient thing about me is my liver
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08-09-2013 13:39
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How many calories does avoiding responsibility burn? Asking for a friend.
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09-07-2013 02:13
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Give me enough booze and I can be anybody's spirit animal.
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05-27-2013 12:41
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Chivalry never goes out of style. Open doors, pull out chairs, and offer to undo your own belts.
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12-21-2012 07:49
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The world is our oyster (aphrodisiacs) which means the world makes us horny. and that is why it is perfectly natural that we should have sex right here, right now, and yet, in spite of the validity of my argument, this pickup line does not work.
Apparently this end of the world rapture thing is today, unfortunately I regret to inform you the 1124 fast track train to 'HELL' is delayed due to an earlier signal fault and over running engineering works, Oh well
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05-21-2011 06:31 by bam
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